From the Daily Mash...

[The Equalizer]

The Daily Mash - LIVERPOOL FANS ACCUSE HODGSON OF RAGING SANITY
PROTESTORS outside Anfield last night questioned whether Roy Hodgson is mentally unstable enough to manage Liverpool.

As Hodgson becomes the successor to Rafael Benitez's bid to turn the club into an Hieryonimus Bosch painting, some fans said they have become conditioned to the Spaniard's psychotic maelstrom.

Head of the Supporter's Association Wayne Hayes said: "Roy has an endearingly odd speech impediment and we might find he's a bit of a fusspot due to his age.
"But will he ever insist the players have a City and Guilds certificate in quantum plumbing, or try to sign the letter 'Y' from Manchester City for £14 billion?"

Since the end of the Anfield 'boot room' era the club has seen a succession of increasingly deranged managers, with Benitez and Graeme Souness vying to be the Bill Shankly of modern Liverpool psychosis.
Meanwhile experts stressed that many of the fans could be suffering from a form of Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim develops deep feelings of affection for their tormentor.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "I suspect that some will move to Milan to be closer to him, while those left behind are likely to mount an aggressive and passionate defence of all things Spanish or mental."

He added: "Many of them may even refrain from stealing things when they go on holiday to Magaluf."

Hodgson said last night: "It's a really great set-up, though I'm not sure I'll be needing the padded restraints and the electric head brace.

"And once we've de-activated the explosive tripwires in the staff toilets and found a home for the 300 ostriches, we'll be good to go."

But he added: "There have been a lot of concerns raised about the status of my mental health so I want to assure the fans that there is no way I would have taken the job of Liverpool manager unless I was out of my f**king mind."