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Favourite Christmas cracker joke

Started by Barrett487, December 15, 2014, 07:56:37 PM

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Holders

Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all.
Non sumus statione ferriviaria

Haynes

What do you call a man in a swimming pool with no arms or legs?

Bob!

What do you call a man in a swimming pool with no arms or legs swimming from end to end?

Clever Dick!

snarks

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers

A Nervous wreck

(genuine cracker joke and my daughters favorite at age 5)


f321ffc


Q: What do you call a flying police officer?
A: A helicopper!

Q: Why did the farmer ride his horse to town?
A: It was too heavy to carry!
:merry christmas:
Growing old is mandatory
Growing up is optional

nose

i got up this morning and made a cup of tea in my pyjamas

I've really got to buy a teapot



Alright it's a tommy cooper classic but it seems to fit the bill!

MasterHaynes

Whats Good king Wencelas's favorite pizza?
Deep pan crisp and even


colinwhite

Did you hear about the  thrifty scottish kamikaze pilot who crashed his plane in his brothers scrapyard.
(Im a scot , so no insult intended to our great people !)

Barrett487

Who watches Santa at Christmas?

Mince spies

dannyboi-ffc

Quote from: Barrett487 on December 18, 2014, 03:40:53 PM
Who watches Santa at Christmas?

Mince spies


Haha haha that really chuckled me. Am I easily pleased or is that so stupid that it's funny? Thanks Barrett,  that's my kind of humour right there
Give us a follow @dannyboi_ffc   @fulham_focus

Email- [email protected]
Email- [email protected]

Supporting Fulham isn't about winning, it's about belonging


epsomraver

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your pyjamas in the morning? ...Your Mum

epsomraver

Quote from: Holders on December 17, 2014, 07:13:49 AM
Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all.
0001.jpeg that is clever

ron

What do you do if you have a 'orrible 'eadache....?

:49:

You take a couple of aspirates..

064.gif


Burt

The sad thing is I actually laughed at most of these. Help!

Holders

Quote from: ron on December 18, 2014, 08:38:05 PM
What do you do if you have a 'orrible 'eadache....?

:49:

You take a couple of aspirates..

064.gif

That's clever.
Non sumus statione ferriviaria

Holders

How many ears has Davy Crockett?

Three - a left ear, a right ear and a wild front ear.
Non sumus statione ferriviaria


Delboy

Bill and Ben sitting in the bath and Bill went flobberlob a lobber lob, Ben said 'if you keep farting I'm getting out'

Alan_C

What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?

Get out of my face!

f321ffc

 Q.  Where do animals go if the lose their tail?

A.  A  retail store .

                                                                :merry christmas:
Growing old is mandatory
Growing up is optional


f321ffc

Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

A. Dam!
Growing old is mandatory
Growing up is optional

cmg


Which Arsenal fan will steal your kid's trainset?

Nick Hornby