The new Fulham Pontoon - an official announcement to be made on Wednesday

[SP]

Fulham FC are seeking permission to allow supporters to park at the Barn Elms Sports Centre in an attempt to ease congestion around the ground. Club officials have been looking at various schemes with a view to offsetting the increased footfall once the expansion of the Riverside Stand is complete. This option will be particularly helpful for supporters travelling from the west.

Whilst outline permission has been granted by the sports centre, in return for the appropriate remuneration of course, the plan hinges on providing suitable access to the ground. Fulham have been consulting top brass from the Royal Engineers with a view to erecting a retractable pontoon across the Thames. The 'Sappers' will receive full corporate hospitality to all Category B games in return for their efforts.

The pontoon will be erected on match days and will provide a scenic ten minute walk across the river for supporters. Initially it will only be available to able bodied supporters but they hope to be able to extend the facility to everyone. Snail access routes won't be affected by the installation.

The club are also introducing a new 'Fulham Nature Ticket' which combines admission to a first team fixture with a day pass to the Wetland Wildlife Centre located next to the sports centre.

[Lighthouse]

Now THAT would be something.  :Haynes The Maestro:

[fulhamben]

nice try.

[Woolly Mammoth]

Unique

[Snibbo]

I think a bouncy castle would be more feasible. Just park it on the far bank, get about 40 supporters on board (preferably straight from the pub) and get them to bounce across the river. No engineers required. That'd work.

[Holders]

Reminds me of the rumour some years back that MAF was going to relocate the twin towers from Wembley as pierheads for a proposed new bridge serving the ground!

[BedsFFC]

aaah, Barn elms. Forgot my school pe kit one day. We had to run round the park on the snow. I was made to do it in pants and no top. Those were the days

[bog]

Why cant they use a zip wire? This would see children by the zillions wanting to come to games, especially the home ones.

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[Steven Ageroad]

Very good, first one of the day.

[Rupert]

Did a letter to the supervisor at work, telling him his new bicycle (bought via the company) was being recalled due to faulty brakes. He has been on about having to take the brakes apart to see if they are working properly.
Put in a few tweaks to make it sound offical, then put the sting in the last paragraph and signed it Mrs April Foolery.

He only read the first couple of paragraphs, then went around telling everyone he knew there had been a problem, just goes to show you, eh? A couple of people even read his letter, caught on quickly and kept a straight face. Someone finally asked him the date, at which point he clocked it. Best one for several years.

[mrmicawbers]

Good one.London Zoos receiptionist will be busy today.

[nose]

i so nearly went with this one because it is close to a plan I actually shared with the club re parking and access...... retractable pontoons was not something i ever thought of though

[Artful Dodger]

Does anyone remember the teletext gag about 20 years ago reporting that Craven Cottage was sinking in to the Thames! Ahhh teletext.......those were the days!

[Logicalman]

I always thought Pontoon was a Card game.

Nah, it was a film with Willem Dafoe and Charlie Sheen wasn't it?  :022: