As it's quiet on here today let's have your jokes.

[f321ffc]

One night a man walks into a pub looking sad. The barman asks the man what he wants. The man says "Oh just a beer". The barman asked the man "Whats wrong, why are you so down today?". The man said "My wife and i Had a row and she said she would'nt talk to me for a month". The barman said "So whats wrong with that"? The man siad "Well the month is up tonight".

[toshes mate]

Time flies like an arrow; Fruit flies like a banana.

[toshes mate]

A priest, a paedophile and a rapist goes into a bar. He orders a drink.

[filham]

With so many ladies now in politics it is important to know the difference between a politician and a lady:-
If a politician says yes they mean maybe
If a politician says maybe they mean no
If a politician says no they are no politician.

If a lady says no she means maybe
If a lady says maybe she means yes
If a lady says yes  she is no lady.

[Woolly Mammoth]

Relationships are like algebra, have you ever thought of your "X" and wondered "Y."

[rogerpbackinMidEastUS]

2 blondes walk into a building.
You'd have thought one of them would have noticed it.

[ffc2004]

Fulham's bottle

[Woolly Mammoth]

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

[Southcoastffc]

(My all time favourite one-liner)    Woman walks into a  bar and asks for a double entendre so the barman gave her one.

[The Equalizer]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I have no idea what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

[Woolly Mammoth]

One day a little boy wrote to Father Christmas and asked him if he could send him a sister.
Father Christmas replied ok I shall, just send me your mother.

[toshes mate]

My Tommy Cooper favourite:  Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

[AlexW132]

A man walks into a bar - 'OW!'

[OdecaMynoT]

Ford are bringing out a new model in the summer called 'Ford Pubic'.

Apparently they're made out of old Corsairs.

[Tooting legend]

Phoned my local gym up as I fancied doing yoga. Guy says how flexible are you? I said well I cant do Tuesday's

[Williams Tale]

I got my sleeping pills and my viagra tablets mixed up the other day , ended up having 40 wa##s !

[The Swan]

A man knocked on my door. He said that he was collecting for a new swimming in my area. I gave him a glass of water.

[Fulham Tup North]

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, "How many potatoes would you like?". I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please".
She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite".
"Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you stupid cow"
:)

[Beamer]

There are many stories going around about white sugar but stories about brown sugar dem are rarer.

[FFCBerks]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the stupid person's house.

Knock Knock
'Who's there?'
The chicken.