Friday joke time

Burt · August 17, 2018, 11:42:38 AM

I've just been to a disgusting pub called "The Fiddle".

It really was a vile inn.

Andy S · August 17, 2018, 11:47:28 AM

It obviously didn't have a comedian in there. Get your coat

Baston White · August 17, 2018, 11:49:22 AM

The wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have just been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!!

Woolly Mammoth · August 17, 2018, 12:14:10 PM

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I can never find the time.

Burt · August 17, 2018, 12:26:18 PM

Quote from: Andy S on August 17, 2018, 11:47:28 AM
It obviously didn't have a comedian in there. Get your coat

Some people think there are insects on the Moon.

Lunar tics.

There - I'll get my coat now.

:Get Coat gif:

Fulham Tup North · August 17, 2018, 12:30:40 PM

093.gif I was in Waterstones behind a chap who asked if they sell "Audio books, with sub-titles". The member of staff thought for a second and then replied "You mean a BOOK"!!?

:yay:. :dead horse:

Holders · August 17, 2018, 12:39:19 PM

Quote from: Burt on August 17, 2018, 12:26:18 PM
Quote from: Andy S on August 17, 2018, 11:47:28 AM
It obviously didn't have a comedian in there. Get your coat

Some people think there are insects on the Moon.

Lunar tics.

There - I'll get my coat now.

:Get Coat gif:

Ticks are arachnids not insects.

Holders · August 17, 2018, 12:40:49 PM

"I say I say I say, my wife went to Wiltshire".

"Your wife went to Wiltshire - Jamaica?"

"No, she went of her own Devizes".

Vinnieffc · August 17, 2018, 01:00:21 PM

My mum met my dad in a gay bar unfortunately they'd already been married 11 years.

Woolly Mammoth · August 17, 2018, 01:17:01 PM

Don't trust Atoms, they make up everything.

rogerpbackinMidEastUS · August 17, 2018, 01:24:54 PM

I went to my doctor about my weight,
He said "Don't eat anything fatty"
I replied "You mean burgers, bacon etc" ?
He said "No Fatty, don't eat anything"

Russianrob · August 17, 2018, 01:52:12 PM

My wife told me my clothes look very gay today.I told her they've just come out of the closet.

alfie · August 17, 2018, 01:57:52 PM

For sale
50" Ultra Hd tv 6 months old
Only £100
Volume control broke
Still you can't turn it down at that price

Steven Ageroad · August 17, 2018, 05:51:50 PM

You can always tune a piano,

But you can't tuna fish.

Baston White · August 17, 2018, 06:30:39 PM

I'm sure my mate is having an affair with my wife.
He's been proper miserable lately.

alexmur · August 17, 2018, 06:39:42 PM

Where does napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleeveies!

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

Woolly Mammoth · August 18, 2018, 12:10:34 AM

Bloke threw a bomb into a pet shop, and shouted, " you have two minutes to vacate the premises".
A Parrott replied " that doesn't give the Tortoise much chance ".

Hatch007 · August 18, 2018, 12:59:56 AM

What do you get when a chicken looks at a lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad

Woolly Mammoth · August 18, 2018, 09:00:53 AM

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises, then it dawned on me.

Woolly Mammoth · August 18, 2018, 09:51:36 AM

My Pet Grizzly Bear is slowly recovering from his illness, but he is not out of the woods yet.

News:

Friday joke time

Russianrob