Fulham Premier League Guide - Guardian

[mangoputney]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/aug/08/fulham-premier-league-team-guide?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+theguardian%2Ffootball%2Frss+%28Football%29

A nice little chuckle to cheer up your monday blues (riots, recession, work)... was not aware of our ?£190m? debt though  :dft002:

[The Equalizer]

Nice work Grauniad! Put a smile on my face.  :003:

[Jimpav]

The club
We are Fulham

The club of the stars, the Thames-side location, Grade II-listed relic and Madame Tussaudsesque tribute, if not always the football, make them one of west London's premier destinations (especially now Harrods has gone to the dogs).

Bonus culture or EU bailout? At £190m, the club's debt is greater than any other in the Premier League, except Manchester United and Chelsea's. So it is no wonder the fans tolerate Mohamed Al Fayed. Last season he told anyone who objected to his statue of one-time Craven Cottage attendee Michael Jackson to "go to hell". Or Stamford Bridge, as it's known in the Hammersmith End.

They'd bite your hand off if you offered them ...

Mid-table and another European sojourn. The club has been spoilt in the past three seasons, with its two best-ever finishes and a Europa League final. Not bad for a club that, stat alert, has lost more competitive matches than it has won – 1,412 v 1,396. More of the same, then, would do nicely. Oh, and that bloody statue dumped in the Thames.

Reality check

While most players were still soaking their aching limbs in an infinity pool in the Seychelles, Fulham's season started a wearisome 39 days ago with their first Europa League qualifier against NSI Runavik. Tiredness, then, will surely affect results in the Premier League's weekly grind. Also, the statue is going nowhere.

What the fans sing

"Stamford Bridge is falling down/Poor old Chelsea."

What the fans should sing

Walk Like An Egyptian (The Bangles)

One to follow on Twitter
Dickson Etuhu is @DicksonEtuhu

"Don't be afraid of the space between ur dreams and reality"

The players
This is England

Injury hampered Bobby Zamora's international chances last season and in the meantime Aston Villa's Darren Bent seems to have moved ahead of him in the England pecking order. It might have been that the only other reason for Fabio Capello to go to the Cottage was to watch David Stockdale, but he has now gone out on loan to Ipswich.

Overseas aid

John Arne Riise, or "mummy's boy", finally joined this summer having been utterly unwooed by the club's fluttering eyelashes before he signed for Liverpool in 2001, supposedly on the advice of his representative – his mother. Maybe Mrs Riise sent him to look after his little brother, Bjorn Helge, who has struggled during his two years in London.

Heart and soul or captain caveman?

Danny Murphy may be a former football columnist for a News International publication but there is no hacking out on the pitch from this cultured former Liverpool midfielder.

Teenage kicks

Perennial star of the future, Matthew Briggs, again. The youngest player in Premier League history when he made his debut aged 16 years and 65 days four years ago, the England Under-20 left‑back scored his first Fulham goal against Crusaders last month and impressed against Chelsea and Arsenal last season.

Mad, bad and dangerous to know

As you might expect from a club that was originally set up for Sunday school boys in 1879, the Cottage is home to a bunch of Goodie Two Shoes. Take Andrew Johnson's goal celebration. At first sight it might seem a rude hand gesture but he's actually making an "A" for A-Stars, a charity for young people. Unfortunately we don't see the celebration much these days.

The manager
Paid the cost to be the boss

Maarten Cornelis Jol has an impressive roster of clubs on his CV but, two Dutch cups apart, few achievements to show for it. After falling out with Spurs he had a decent time at Hamburg and Ajax, although with the latter he missed out on the title to Schteve McClaren.

Clogger or tiki-taka?

He and his teams have all the charm of his doppelganger Tony Soprano (few other managers could get away with calling Gabby Logan "darling" live on air) but too often lack the mafia boss's ruthless streak. Expect Fulham to score and concede plenty and to top the Fair Play table.

On his to-do list

Keep his two first-choice strikers, Zamora and Johnson, fit. Stop the dressing room "banter" about his brothers' names, **** and Dick.

The advice Sepp Blatter might give to your club
"Owner hasn't endeared himself to our family by selling luxury handbag emporium. But I like that they erect statues to people who don't stop till they get enough."

Rule change

Hugh Grant is a Fulham fan and we applaud how he turned tables on evil English press so we will reward him by bigging up the nets.