Player ratings - season 10-11

[finnster01]

Those Loaned out in January - Hope your asses aren't sore where the door hit them. See you in other folks' colors real  soon

Schwarzer - Should have been benched after the Asian games, but he was clearly our best choice at goal. Crap distribution but good reactions. Should yield to youth next season when he'll start all 38 matches.

Stockdale  - Fat, slow, quick, decisive and fully commited lazy player with a brilliant future which should begin to be realized next season as he sits on the bench for all 38 matches. Automatic piack to sit on England's bench as he is the only English keeper other than Joe Hart that doesn't make Cappello lose his lunch.

Hangeland - When he shaves his head he looks like a full-sized AJ. Should be fined for not scoring in double figures. Will demand to leave because Fulham supporters keep putting a rogue "R" in his name.

Hughes - He scored a goal for the first time since Finnster was in the Navy, but he's crap at dead water bottle situations. The only thing stopping him from being England's first player-manager is that he's Irish-Welsh.

Baird -Scoreless in 37 league matches this season. What else can you say about him? Oh, and he's Irish also.

Salcido - Easily the finest Mexican in the history of Fulham Football Club. And you have to appreciate his transparency. Every Fulham supporter can tell he's unhappy here by the way he celebrates on goals he's assisted.

JP - Plastic glory hound genuine great guy who had an incredibly unfortunate run of play where he finally demonstrated his inability to play anything other than Subbeteo football. Tied with Torres for last place in Chelsea's scoring charts.

Kelly - A solid backup fullback who is a complete waste of wages. He's the perfect example of a recurrent problem at FFC. None of our squad players are better than our starters. And he's Irish.

Senderos - Actually showed up late in the season to erase his picture from milk cartons. Oh, and he and Hangeland in defense would look like two really scary tall guys bereft of hair. He'd be the partner who isn't as tall or as good as the other.

Briggs - Has completely rehabilitated himself from the bad press he received when he robbed that Great Train. He has a good left foot, but his right one is often left in the clubhouse. His three starts were against Chelsea, Arsenal, and Arsenal -- sides not known for their attacking flair -- especially down the wings. A waste of the chemicals that make up his body, but he's English, has a good beat, and you can dance to him.

Halliche - Gesundheit  :drums:

Dempsey - Edged out our centre half in leading the team in scoring, but led the universe in falling down, not looking like he cares, being tired from too much football, and black eyes. A serious candidate for player of the year among those fans who keep forgetting he's American.

Murphy - Smart, solid, painfully slow, and a passenger who drags down the attack that he leads so brilliantly. He is simultaneously the "secret columnist" and "not the secret columnist." He'll be a great Fulham manager one day, just as long as it's not at Fulham.

Davies - I have this deep undiminished love for Super Simon the Super Taffy, but it's okay to like Welsh people if you're not from England.

Duff - Solidified his position as the greatest midget footballer in the world. The best left foot of any right-winger I've ever seen -- I've never actually seen RidgeRider's left foot, of course -- and survivor of being buried at least three times this season by the idiot who writes The View from South Texas.

Etuhu - A brilliant season in which he underperformed consistently when he wasn't the best central midfielder at the club not named Murphy, Sidwell, or Greening. The fact that those other three guys are English and Etuhu is a Nigerian giant is just a coincidence.

Gera - This past season he got more acclaim for accomplishing next to nothing than anyone this century not named Sarah Palin.

Sidwell - Great player for a redhead.

Kakuta - Maybe it's just me, but I don't think he looks all that Gaelic.
 
Greening - Absolute waste of wages for every match in which he didn't appear. Zero goals and zero assists in all those matches he never saw the pitch for. Useless with either foot while seated on the bench.

Dembele - Flat track bully -- except against Spuds in the FA Cup. Fast, smart, tricky, stupid, and Belgian. That would be a natural hattrick if it weren't 4 modifiers and one Belgian.

Andy Johnson - I like the guy, but  :tom: do I know about anything.

Gudjohnsen -Looked good in the Fulham legends match, I understand. He's an exceptional average player who is vital to our plans and who clearly belongs in a league less demanding than ours.

Zamora - According to the idiot on the Premier League Review of the Season, the unfortunate victim of a fair and clean tackle by Adolph Menjou. Missed at least 8 goals, 8 assists, and 3 full England caps because he doesn't know how to fall down after being tackled fairly and cleanly. Sorry. It's hard to be humorous after watching that program today. Our Bobby should have had an amazing season, and it still angers me that we all were deprived of it.

:005:  077.gif

[ImperialWhite]

Dempsey - Edged out our centre half in leading the team in scoring, but led the universe in falling down, not looking like he cares, being tired from too much football, and black eyes. A serious candidate for player of the year among those fans who keep forgetting he's American.

:tom: He's American?

I had better change my vote.

[HatterDon]

Dempsey - Edged out our centre half in leading the team in scoring, but led the universe in falling down, not looking like he cares, being tired from too much football, and black eyes. A serious candidate for player of the year among those fans who keep forgetting he's American.

:tom: He's American?

I had better change my vote.

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[Me-ate-Live, innit??]

 Have to disagree with you Donny  075.gif Sanchez was our finest Mexican  098.gif

[HatterDon]

Have to disagree with you Donny  075.gif Sanchez was our finest Mexican  098.gif

nah, another Irish git