The Guardian's secret footballer

[BalDrick]

When I met Danny last year my Dad asked him whether he was the Secret Footballer. He said that he wasn't and that if he was going to write anything, he'd always want to do it in his own name. Plus, he has a contract with Sky which complicates the situation.

I honestly believe his word and don't think it's him.

Quite. His wife has also told me, via Twitter, that it is definitely not him.

Not being funny but she would say that wouldn't she, as he would in the other instance where he has said it's not him.

There were a lot of instances last season where there seemed to be a lot of connection to things he wrote about that had a Fulham slant, but then again Fulham's the only club I know a lot about, so lots of other fans of other clubs may have thought the same thing.

It could well be him, equally it could be a few players, each of whom contribute once a month (editing would mean you couldn't notice any difference in idiolect). Not sure we'll ever know but there were plenty of times last season I was convinced it was Murph.

[BalDrick]

Most of the articles cry out out Danny Murphy but it needn't be him alone. He's not the only bright spark. Jason Roberts and Clark Carlisle are bright.

David James and Jody Craddock!

I think it's Kevin Davies though.

David James is a shout and a half. Already has newspaper writing experience, and got relegated with West Ham back in 2003

Think there was inference that the player (last season this is) was still plying his trade in the Prem, when Calamity hasn't played Prem for a good few years. May once have been him - not sure how long it's been going on.

[SKSW6]

It's obviously a few players, imo. If it was just one, they wouldn't leave in such glaring evidence which could trace back to them. With numerous players, they get to write genuine things about themselves, safe in the knowledge that the previous guy may have written something which contradicts that it's you.

[tommyffc]

Took this off Reddit and it makes the most sense of any theory about TSF I've read:

Dave Kitson. Bet you anything.

EDIT: On reflection, 20p.

EDIT 2: Since this is a fairly pointless comment without it, here is the reasoning, based largely on this article.
I think this has to be a Reading player from 2007/08.

-They were relegated on the last day of the season. Both Fulham and Bolton improved their positions late on (if not, admittedly, with 5 minutes to go), and those were the two that Reading had a chance of finishing above.

-Fulham's crucial goal went in, loosely speaking, "at the opposite end of the country" - they were in Portsmouth, while Reading were away at Derby. The fact that Reading won 4-0 and still went down fits with the comment about knowing they were relegated for the last 10 minutes - it's not as if they could do much to take matters into their own hands.

-A poor kick from Hahnemann led to a late winning goal for Manchester City earlier that season, exactly as described in the article.

There are other things, like the reference in a previous article to an African teammate who had played in Russia (Andre Amougou, formerly Bikey), but I really think the Hahnemann thing fits far too well to be coincidental. Nicky Shorey, Dave Kitson, Glen Little, and Ibrahima Sonko all left for other Premier League clubs the summer Reading were relegated. A lot of people have suggested Shorey, but I'm more inclined towards Kitson. He's both well-spoken and outspoken, and he's very open (in that interview and elsewhere) about not having felt comfortable leaving Reading or moving to Stoke - again, as described in the article. Hints of class-consciousness here, which tallies with his concern for the club employees who lost their jobs following relegation.

And if none of that grabs you, this comes from his latest article:

Antonio Valencia once blocked a clearance of mine and I swear it was like being hit by a car.

Well, someone found this.

[Harold Shand]

No it's not

It was, he writes very similar pieces for Sabotage times.

Myabe more players are writing it now but Rohan Ricketts was the original author for The Guardian.

[TonyGilroy]

Whoever it is I think it's more about the life of a Premier League player rather than strict autobiography.

[LRCN]

I spent a few hours the other week researching this and came to the conclusion that it cannot specifically be one person.

The Secret Footballer talks about being relegated, being promoted, moving from a lower league club to the Premier League, being a Premier League club's record signing, winning back to back player of the year awards, playing against Antonio Valencia and refers to England as us. It's also not a goalkeeper.

There could only be a handful of players that fits this but the one that gives it away is that he talks about his wife and daughter a lot, whilst in other articles he talks about a long term girlfriend. It's conceivable that he might have a girlfriend and an ex wife, but the choice of language doesn't indicate that.

The nearest matches I could find were Kevin Davies, Dave Kitson, Kevin Phillips and Jimmy Bullard. Doesn't really sound like Bullard though :011:

this is the only conclusion i can come to as well.

[Mr_Moon]

this is the only conclusion i can come to as well.

I know it's really sad, but I wrote down all the Premier League clubs of past and present and found their record signings. Not just the record but previous record signings too. From that list, I shortlisted it to the players that could have possibly played against Antonio Valencia, whether it was when he played for Wigan or whether they played for a lower league team against Man Utd in the cup. Then I looked at their club history (TSF talks about how his first club was lower league and had poor medical facilities), so that eliminated a lot of players as most started at reasonable sized teams.

It was then just a case of checking to see who could fill the criteria. At that point my head was hurting and eventually when I came to that conclusion I was annoyed because I wasted hours figuring it out only to be unsatisifed. At least I know (or think I know) the truth.

Next up is why we're so poor away.