NFR -- First Joke of the Work Week

[HatterDon]

This modern-day cowboy shows up at the gates of heaven and meets St. Peter who asks him, "What have you done that makes you deserving of a place inside?"

The cowboy thinks for a moment and then says, "Well, there was this one time that I saw a young woman being hassled by this group of big, greasy, tattooed bikers, and I came to her rescue."

"Well, that's promising," said St. Peter. "Tell me about it."

"Well," said the cowboy, "I told them the leave the girl alone and to get lost. They laughed at me, so I went up to the biggest, greasiest, most tattooed biker and I punched him hard in the gut. Then I grabbed him by the nose ring, yanked it right off his face, threw it into the dirt and told the rest of them that if they didn't leave the little lady alone, I'd kick the crap out of all of them."

"Wow," said St. Peter. "That's really impressive. When did this happen?"

The cowboy replied, "About 20 minutes ago."

[jarv]

Old Taff from South Wales is at the gates discussing his life and chances of getting in. His life was not exemplary so he is asked to perform a test to get in. He has two choices.

1. Go back down to the South wales coast and use this tea spoon to stem the tide.

Geeeez, what is the other test, Taff asks, thinking that one is just a bit hard.

2. Go back down to the coal mining villages of south wales and persuade everyone to vote for Maggie Thatcher.

Taff's response.....give me the f***ing spoon.

[Lighthouse]

Man goes to Hell and is shown around. First room everlasting flame burning pain,  second room slice and dice and cut in bits for ever, third room bunch of people standing up to their necks in raw sewage.
' Well which room to you want to spend the ever lasting torment in?' asks the Devil. Man thinks but decides on the last room with sewage. Man slides in carefully so as to not cause any waves and the Devil shouts 'Right teabrake over, everybody back to standing on their heads'