NFR Forget your troubles, c'mon get happy

[Peabody]

I have just had a delicious pair of kippers for lunch. Luvery jubberly.

[domprague]

I had a pair of kippers for breakfast today. Perked up my weekend.

[Tony]

I hope these one-liners will help you forget the Fulham troubles

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.  This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

   And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

[Logicalman]

You have to look up Colm Bugler on Facebook, he has so many of these, he is brilliant.

[SP]

Leicester currently winning at Everton.

[Fulham1959]

I hope these one-liners will help you forget the Fulham troubles

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.  This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

   And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

I'm a lexophile  -  I just love these !

[Nick Bateman]

Peabody always seems to be happy despite our current woes.

It is rumoured he was happy to remove all the non-PC jokes he had amassed over years from his "Bob Monkhouse"-style joke book and was left with a pamphlet.