As it's quiet on here today let's have your jokes.

[res]

A man goes into a doctors with a steering wheel under his trousers. The doctor says "that must be uncomfortable"; the man says "yes, it's driving me nuts"

[mrmicawbers]

Whats got no arms and no legs and found 50 leagues under the sea.
        Jacques Torso

[The Old Count]

What do you get if you cross a Rangers fan with a Liverpool fan?

Someone who's too lazy to steal.

[cookieg]

I was in the supermarket the other day when I saw this blonde staring at the orange juice. I thought this was a bit odd so I asked what she was doing. "Staring at the orange juice", "Why?" I asked, " because it says concentrate".

[Southcoastffc]

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don't forget the coffee!"

[gerrys]

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him      'Father'."
 
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him      'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says      'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him      'Your Holiness'."
 
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies,    
I have a daughter,
SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS 
 
When she walks into a room, people say, "JESUS'

[St Eve]

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, "How many potatoes would you like?". I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please".
She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite".
"Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you stupid cow"
:)

That's funny