This comes from "Just a Minute" a few years ago, If it's good enough for BBC Radio 4 at lunchtime I trust it's acceptable here:
There was an old queer from Rangoon
Took a lesbian up to his room.
One of them said
As they lay on the bed
"Who does what, with what, to whom?"
There was a young lady from Devizes
Who had boobs of different sizes
One was quite small, it was nothing at all
And the other was large and won prizes
Get Coat gif
a personal favorite:
To his wife said Dick, the detective
"Could it be that my eyesight's defective
Is your east tit the least bit
the best of your west tit
Or is it a trick of perspective."
When Thor the God of Thunder
went riding on his filly,
"I'm Thor", he cried,
the filly replied,
"You forgot you thaddle, thilly."
She was nice, she was fair,
She had no teeth, she had no hair,
One eye was glass, one leg was wood,
but what was left was VERY good.
There was an old man from Darjeeling,
Who got on the bus at Ealing,
It said on the door,
Don't spit on the Floor,
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.
The oldies are always the best.
There were two young lads from Brighton
Who thought it'd be cool to start fightin
The teacher stepped in
And got thrown in the bin
And now to their parents he's writin.
Wrote it myself a couple of years ago.
A football pitch groundsman from Leeds
Went and swallowed a packet of seeds.
In less than an hour
His head was in flower
And his feet were all covered in weeds.
OR
There was a goalkeeper called Walter
Who played on the island of Malta.
But his kicks were so long
And the wind was so strong,
That the ball ended up in Gibraltar.
Once there was a bloke called Frederick
who liked to write lots of Limericks
But try as he might
He always lost sight
of the rhyming last line.
There once was a manager called Hughes
Who suddenly got the itchy feet blues
He left the mighty Whites
Cos his adviser's a sh*te
And where he is now we ain't got no clues
There is now a manager called Marteen
Who is in charge of our wonderful team
he's got Bobby and AJ
and a whole midfield array
of talent that makes QPhaha jealous and green
There once was a man from Nantucket..............oops, sorry--family board and all
There once was a man from Boston, Mass
Who had two balls made of brass
When they rubbed together
They formed stormy weather
And sparks shot out of his ass (translation: arse)
Quote from: LordNelson on August 15, 2011, 06:26:10 PM
There once was a man from Nantucket..............oops, sorry--family board and all
There once was a man from Boston, Mass
Who had two balls made of brass
When they rubbed together
They formed stormy weather
And sparks shot out of his ass (translation: arse)
So THAT's what happened to McBrideFan#1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twas on the bridge at midnight
Her heart went all a quiver
I undone her suspender belt
Her legs fell in the river
There once was a player called Salcido
whose only friend was a dog called Fido
He liked the odd tranny
blamed it on his nanny
went back to Mexico to find his libido
There was once a team called Stoke,
Who played like a pig in a poke,
They were nicknamed the Potters,
They played like the Trotters,
and their manager was just a sad joke.
There was a team called QPR
Who set their sights just to far
They got promoted to the top
Where they proved to be a big flop
and Warnock just said, "I want my ma"
There was a young player named Baird
Whose performances showed that he cared
Then along came Senderos
Baird lost his place becos
Jol said Hughes couldn't be spared
Quote from: Logicalman on August 16, 2011, 10:55:32 AM
There was once a team called Stoke,
Who played like a pig in a poke,
They were nicknamed the Potters,
They played like the Trotters,
and their manager was just a sad joke.
:clap_hands:
Quote from: AlFayedsChequebook on August 16, 2011, 11:36:49 AM
Quote from: Logicalman on August 16, 2011, 10:55:32 AM
There was once a team called Stoke,
Who played like a pig in a poke,
They were nicknamed the Potters,
They played like the Trotters,
and their manager was just a sad joke.
:clap_hands:
+1. Absolutely fantastic
Quote from: Sheepskin Junior on August 16, 2011, 03:19:50 PM
Quote from: AlFayedsChequebook on August 16, 2011, 11:36:49 AM
Quote from: Logicalman on August 16, 2011, 10:55:32 AM
There was once a team called Stoke,
Who played like a pig in a poke,
They were nicknamed the Potters,
They played like the Trotters,
and their manager was just a sad joke.
+ 2. The bar has been raised - said the sailor to the actress...
:clap_hands:
+1. Absolutely fantastic
Colin from Rangers said, "Eek!
Briatore thinks we're a boutique!
But that's pretty dumb -
We're more Steptoe and Son -
I guess that his tongue's in his cheek."
There once was a team with a Kop
Who thought they belonged at the top
It was just a delusion
and in the confusion
they turned out to be a big flop
There is a team called the Gunners
to like to buy players with oners
Their cupboard is bare
with no silverware
and all of their captians do runners
There once was a team from Blackpool
Whose turned out to be not so cool
The team they did drown
and then they went down
and Charlie moved on, not a fool
There once was a player called Jimmy
who thought he ran like a filly
He moved to a big team
somewhere north, it would seem
but it turned out he was just rather silly
There once was a player called Wayne
Who thought he could just play the game
He had a big fist,
and an arse he liked kissed,
in the end he was lacking a brain.
SWMBO
There once was a manager, Mark
Who saw Fulham as kind of a lark
He quit our small club
But ah, here's the rub
He now feeds the birds in the park 098.gif
There once was a manager called Martin Jol
who built a team that couldn't score a goal
He was Dutch and fat
certainly not a cat
And ended up in a hot place shuffling coal
A footballer in from the States
Was paid at very high rates.
But when he lost his touch
He wasn't worth that much.
Now he just kicks around with his mates.
(PS: I refuse to be drawn into who this is dedicated to)
There once was a supporter named Finnster
Who felt Martin Jol was to sinister
To manage his club,a club that he loved
And will feel the same when he's a pensioner
Quote from: CincyFulham1 on August 31, 2011, 07:24:42 AM
There once was a supporter named Finnster
Who felt Martin Jol was to sinister
To manage his club,a club that he loved
And will feel the same when he's a pensioner
:clap_hands: :011:
Now that the window has closed
And Gaffers and Players have posed
For photos to be taken
Tomorrow you'll awaken
To find Stoke bought Crouch and got hosed.
There once was a gaffer named Jol
Who dug himself into a hole
But Moe coughed up the cheese
And he got us Ruiz
But some(?) still want his head on a pole.
