Guide To Criticising Hodgson's Squad Selection
Captain: if someone who has been captain before, "predictable". If not, "wrong".
Average age of squad over 26: too old, over-reliance on the failed so-called "golden generation".
Average age of squad under 26: inexperienced/ruining our chances for the Olympics (I forget whether we care about this or not).
Goalkeepers:
Joe Hart: obvious choice and deserves no credit.
Rob Green: plays for a championship club. Only selected due to failure to persuade anyone else out of retirement, ergo poor man-management.
Ben Foster: nepotism.
Right back:
Failure to take all of Micah Richards, Glen Johnson, Kyle Walker, Phil Jones and Chris Smalling constitutes a decision, and therefore automatically a risky/wrong one.
Left back:
Ashley Cole: obvious, deserves no credit.
If a back-up is selected: unnecessary, waste of a squad place (cf. Stephen Warnock). If not: short-sighted.
Centre back:
Failure to persuade Rio and Terry to play together is poor man-management. Success is "too risky".
Central Midfield:
Gerrard: make reference to Hodgson's time at Liverpool and cast doubt on ability to get a performance out of him.
Lampard: too similar to Gerrard. If not picked, make unflattering AVB comparisons.
Scott Parker: would certainly perform better if 'Arry was manager
Carrick/Barry: boring.
Scholes: if picked, desperate. If not picked, a missed opportunity
Anyone else: an unknown quantity.
Wings:
Joe Cole: if not picked, point out that he has been playing brilliantly in France. If picked, point out that he has been rubbish in France. No-one will bother to check either way.
Ashley Young: if picked, diver that will not fool continental referees, therefore a waste of space. If not picked, point to past goalscoring form and ability to win penalties.
Adam Johnson: if picked, has hardly played for Man City this season. If not picked, has hardly played for Man City this season and would have bought much-needed freshness to the squad.
Walcott: if picked, has only ever performed that one time against Croatia. If not picked, performed that one time against Croatia.
Stewart Downing: if picked, 0 goals 0 assists. If not picked, bemoan lack of natural left-footers in the squad.
Anyone who plays for Swansea: if picked, they play for Swansea, a small club. If not, harshly overlooked.
Strikers:
Rooney: if picked, waste of a squad place. We'll be out after 2 games anyway. If not picked, have "ROO-DICULOUS!!!" headlines on standby.
Andy Carroll: if picked, has been rubbish all season. If not, has been brilliant for the last two games.
Defoe: if picked, has not played all season. If not, gifted finisher, adds freshness to the squad, 'Arry would have picked him.
Crouch: if picked, exposes England's dearth of strikers. If not, think of the wonder-goal.
Sturridge/Welbeck: if picked, inexperienced. If not, robbing the future of English football of valuable tournament experience.
For tabloid journalists, this is a handy cut-out-and keep style guide. For anyone else, combine this with a copy of next Wednesday's Sun to form a potentially lethal drinking game.
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Might email this to Mr Samuel although I suspect he has written this type already and passed it around the west ham press mafia.
Very nice piece of work, Jambo - and so realistic! :54:
take a bow 065.gif take a bow
Excellent job!!! - Real damn shame they will not just give Roy a chance. I think everyone "should" know he doesn't have a lot of options. If the players would listen he will coach them up... and they could over achieve...
Spot on!!
Absolutely top drawer. Well done sir.
And I suspect more truth in it than joke!
Just love the Joe Cole comments !!
some of the best writing and the most insightful analysis I've read here or anywhere! 065.gif
Add Grant Holt
If picked he is a one season wonder and won't make it (plus whatever hatter don feels on the subject) and if not he had an amazing season with Norwich.
Quote from: andersons11 on May 14, 2012, 08:11:28 AM
Add Grant Holt
If picked he is a one season wonder and won't make it (plus whatever hatter don feels on the subject) and if not he had an amazing season with Norwich.
I was going to mention Holt in response to "Is Dembele the most overrated player in the Prem," but decided to give the lad a rest.
Quote from: HatterDon on May 14, 2012, 08:43:47 AM
Quote from: andersons11 on May 14, 2012, 08:11:28 AM
Add Grant Holt
If picked he is a one season wonder and won't make it (plus whatever hatter don feels on the subject) and if not he had an amazing season with Norwich.
I was going to mention Holt in response to "Is Dembele the most overrated player in the Prem," but decided to give the lad a rest.
You've been merciless with the guy.
...excellent reading Jambo, many a true word spoken in jest, and I'm sure there is a tabloid journalist somewhere who will unwittingly reproduce much of your guide/template...
I'd get that off to the papers and earn some spondoolix from it!
Might be worth adding a line about David Stockdale though, and maybe Danny Murphy.
yee-haw!
