Subject: I love Jewish humour ...
A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her mum that she has missed her period
for 2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the local pharmacy and buys a
pregnancy test kit The test confirms that her daughter is pregnant.
Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the selfish bastard
that did this to you? I demand to know!"
Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half
an hour later, a Bentley stops in front of their house. A middle-aged
and very distinguished man steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits in the lounge with the father and mother, and tells them,
"Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her
because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will
pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."
He continues, "Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath two
retail furniture stores, a deli, a chateau in France and a £1m bank
account."
He continues, "If a boy is born my legacy will be a chain of jewellery
stores and a £25m bank account."
"However, if there is a miscarriage I'm not sure what to do. What
would you suggest?"
All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's
shoulder and told him, "You'll try again."
oy weh!
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So do I Mr P...... We grew up with it, Jack Benny, Marx Brothers, Jerry Lewis, George Burns and even our own Jimmy Jewel, Ben Warris and Mike and Bernie Winters.
Comedy stars all extinguished now.
Quote from: Fernhurst on January 16, 2015, 07:10:07 PM
So do I Mr P...... We grew up with it, Jack Benny, Marx Brothers, Jerry Lewis, George Burns and even our own Jimmy Jewel, Ben Warris and Mike and Bernie Winters.
Comedy stars all extinguished now.
of course the number one comedy star is our own....
Tommy "you lucky people" Trinder
Quote from: gerrys on January 16, 2015, 10:17:54 PM
Quote from: Fernhurst on January 16, 2015, 07:10:07 PM
So do I Mr P...... We grew up with it, Jack Benny, Marx Brothers, Jerry Lewis, George Burns and even our own Jimmy Jewel, Ben Warris and Mike and Bernie Winters.
Comedy stars all extinguished now.
of course the number one comedy star is our own....
Tommy "you lucky people" Trinder
His catchphrase must be the earliest recorded example of "spin".
I spent 30 years working for a jewish bank and believe me the biggest and best jewish joke tellers are jewish. I'm not but this a good one from years ago from one of my colleagues which is so typical of the jewish sense of humour.
Mr & Mrs Goldstein have two daughters Rachel and Anna. Solomon a charming young local boy starts to date Rachel and calls for every her week to take her out. The family have of course checked him and the family out and he seems excellent son-in-law material so after about 6 months he knocks on the door as usual and politely says " Good evening Mr Goldstein I have come to take out your daughter Rachel". Father says how nice it is to see him and then knowingly adds "I think it is time we gave you a little gift as a gesture of how much we like you" and gives him a box of small cigars.
The following week Solomon is back and knocks and says " Good evening Mr Goldstein, I am here to take out your daughter Anna".
"Anna, but for months you have been seeing my daughter Rachel"
"I know sir but I got your message in the lid of the cigars and I am very grateful".
"Message, what message"
"You know sir, Havanna Cheroots"
Top class!
I'm here all week, available for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs.
Pubs in the West Country are on high alert after they heard of a threat of cyder-terrorism.
A Jewish toy shop owner always took his son to the shop on Christmas Eve to show him the empty shelves.
I love redneck humor.
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly
Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... Women like that are hard to find!!..
This is an old one, but a good one.
Q. What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler?
A. Eventually, the Rottweiler will let go.
