You know you're getting older when...
You (well, me) have a couple of pints in the City last night, have a quick pee before going home, and then have to stop off at Wimbledon and Surbiton for further pees...
I used to be a camel in my yoof and store beer in my body. Now it just seeps out :012:
When you don't have shoes with laces anymore as you cannot reach down that far....
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When you go to make a Cuppa, get in the Kitchen, then
ask yourself "What did I come in here for"..
....it takes 5 minutes of limbering up in the morning just to manage the stairs to put the kettle on
A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm. 092.gif
An all nighter" means not getting up to pee! 092.gif
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. 092.gif
049:gif COYW
Quote from: Mince n Tatties on May 28, 2015, 09:28:58 AM
When you go to make a Cuppa, get in the Kitchen, then
ask yourself "What did I come in here for"..
...even worse. Go to the kitchen to make a cuppa. Make a cheese and pickle sarnie. Sit back in front of the tv and think, "Mmmm, I fancy a cuppa...."
No amount of shaking stops that little bit from escaping once tucked back in !!!
Go to the kitchen to make a cuppa, forget why, re-trace back to the living room, think who's house is this? that woman looks alot like my mother-in-law...nevermind, I'll watch Fulham on MOTD.
This thread should be re titled ....."notes from an enlarged prostate".....with apologies to Bill Bryson.
What frustrates me is ....I was previously the source of all knowledge, now I can never even find the sauce!
And another thing...... It takes me two days to recover from attending a home match, it's not the football on offer its the 200 mile round trip drive.
My energy levels were previously through the roof now they are through the floor. I sit down for a rest or a quiet snooze after watching a frenetic match on TV!
Ok, Old Sods....when do you give up wearing jeans and trainers???..... I'm considering it?
Last night, my missus said to me, "Come upstairs and make mad, passionate love to me!"
I replied, "At my age, love, it's one or the other."
Go onto You Tube there is a video of a song from Golf Brooks called Senior Moments well worth hearing.
Quote from: Fernhurst on May 28, 2015, 10:23:39 AM
This thread should be re titled ....."notes from an enlarged prostate".....with apologies to Bill Bryson.
What frustrates me is ....I was previously the source of all knowledge, now I can never even find the sauce!
And another thing...... It takes me two days to recover from attending a home match, it's not the football on offer its the 200 mile round trip drive.
My energy levels were previously through the roof now they are through the floor. I sit down for a rest or a quiet snooze after watching a frenetic match on TV!
Ok, Old Sods....when do you give up wearing jeans and trainers???..... I'm considering it?
Jeans are ok at any age, gave up wearing trainers about 10 years ago just dont think they look right on an old git like me, but hey each to their own. 092.gif
It is Summer and you see a lovely girl dressed in a nothing much and a bare stomach. You fear for her catching a chill and she really should wrap up.
Everybody is dressed for Summer but you need that extra Jumper.
You are going out and you put your shoes on. You struggle into your coat and check you have the wallet and keys. Go to the back door, open it and realise you need to go to the loo. (Sorry prostrate again)
You watch a tv show that is really good until you realise you know the ending because you watched it before.
The adverts between tv shows last so long that you leave to make tea or the loo and forget to come back.
When you dont understanding the lyrics to songs in the top 40 ,
You go round switching off lights in the house and tell the kids to turn that down.
Watching Tv and see an actor and think christ hes getting on then realise his younger than you.
Quote from: TheDaddy on May 28, 2015, 10:34:44 AM
When you dont understanding the lyrics to songs in the top 40 ,
You go round switching off lights in the house and tell the kids to turn that down.
Watching Tv and see an actor and think christ hes getting on then realise his younger than you.
Songs in the top 40 have lyrics?
The older you get the less likely you are of getting your face slapped.
Quote from: grandad on May 28, 2015, 11:58:45 AM
The older you get the less likely you are of getting your face slapped.
Thats only because at a certain age we have forgotten about doing the things that get your face slapped. 092.gif
Reading about the mounting death toll of one's peer group.
Remembering not to cross your legs to improve circulation.
Realising that you can still run, but only in your mind.
Shaking your head in dismay at things & then realising it's becoming a tic.
Looking for age marks on your hands.
Not brushing your hair quite so vigorously in case your hair falls out.
Looking for nose hairs.
When you line your pills up & then count them again to make sure you have them all.
Being careful when navigating stairs.
You'r in the Fulham line up.
I was going to type something, but I just forgot what I intended to say.
Quote from: gang on May 28, 2015, 12:37:13 PM
You'r in the Fulham line up.
Now that made me laugh.
But it's really only true of the season before. Or did the season just gone slip your mind? Not that that'd make you old - merely a good judge.
Quote from: Airfix on May 28, 2015, 10:24:44 AM
Last night, my missus said to me, "Come upstairs and make mad, passionate love to me!"
I replied, "At my age, love, it's one or the other."
So which was it? Mad or passionate? :005:
You need a magnifying glass to read this thread
Quote from: Burt on May 28, 2015, 09:06:30 AM
You know you're getting older when...
You (well, me) have a couple of pints in the City last night, have a quick pee before going home, and then have to stop off at Wimbledon and Surbiton for further pees...
I used to be a camel in my yoof and store beer in my body. Now it just seeps out :012:
Same problem and its really put me off going out on the beer plus the fact that I'll be up and down for half the night when I get home. Going out for a drink now more often than not means going to a wine bar rather than downing pints in a pub. Not the same, but there we are.
Seeing a pretty thing in the street and not noticing her pretty daughter and grandkids in tow.
New additions to your CD collection never being less than 20 years out of fashion.
Starting to pay attention to Michael Parkinson adverts and considering the lure of a pen.
When you meet an attractive 65 year old and she says....
"Would you like a mother and daughter"
When you get to her house she shouts upstairs.
"Mum, can you come downstairs please"
when it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.
I'm only 44, so I don't consider myself to be old. But then this happens...
We are all sitting around work talking one day. There is a new girl sitting directly opposite me and she is drop-dead gorgeous!! I mean the kind of girl you do a double-take and say, "Wow".
So we're all talking and somehow the events of 9-11 come up and her first words were, "I can't imagine what that was like..... I don't remember it, cuz I was in kindergarten."
I laughed thinking she had to be joking.... but she went on to let us all know that she was only 20 years old. Born in 1995 and was 6 years old when it happened.
Man, that was hard to swallow.
You take up playing Bowls. What worries me, is the flag at the bowls club is always at half mast.
Quote from: Peabody on May 28, 2015, 06:50:17 PM
You take up playing Bowls. What worries me, is the flag at the bowls club is always at half mast.
Last week me and the other half stopped and watched bowls on our local green and I came away thinking I might give it a go. 092.gif
I won't say I'm old but I have more doctors than friends.
You really must not worry about getting old, remember there is only one alternative.
Quote from: Barrett487 on May 28, 2015, 04:44:14 PM
Seeing a pretty thing in the street and not noticing her pretty daughter and grandkids in tow.
New additions to your CD collection never being less than 20 years out of fashion.
Starting to pay attention to Michael Parkinson adverts and considering the lure of a pen.
What the heck's a CD collection?
Having to lean on a chair or the bed in the morning to help get your underpants on
Then having to sit down to put your socks on!
When you don't wake up in the morning you come round...slowly
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When you start groaning when sitting down.
When you bend down to pick something up and think "is there anything else I need to do while I'm here?".
When you phone your mobile because you've lost it and it's in your back pocket.
When you get one of those high-speed stairlifts that get you there before you forget what you wanted.
When you see old cars being done up on the TV and think " I had one of them" !
When you're on the stairs and you stop to do up your shoelace, and when you have you can't remember whether you were going up, or coming down.
Quote from: rogerpinvirginia on May 28, 2015, 04:35:16 PM
You need a magnifying glass to read this thread
What thread?
When you change your season ticket to The Riverside Stand.
This all reminds me of a visit we had from both our mothers a few weeks ago. We'd had a lovely lunch, cooked by Mrs Airfix and were sitting in the living room when Mrs A asked me to put the kettle on.
As I got up from the sofa, I gave a short grunt of effort (it's getting like that, now) and, without missing a beat, I looked my mother straight in the eye and said, "How does it feel when you hear your son doing that?"
That's why they are called " Old grunters" !
There's more hair in your ears and nostrils than on your head.
And when you have to hit 'Page Down' in a drop-down menu to find your birth year.
Quote from: filham on May 28, 2015, 07:17:02 PM
You really must not worry about getting old, remember there is only one alternative.
Too true, my opinion on age is in my signature below. 092.gif 049:gif
When you keep a special stick in the shed, just for stirring paint
When nobody queries you when you ask for age related discounts 092.gif
Quote from: Kentish Gent on May 29, 2015, 02:29:59 PM
When you keep a special stick in the shed, just for stirring paint
I've done that since I bought my first house in my 20's.
However I also think when you start saying food tastes fresh when you eat it. Something I recall my Grandparents, and now my parents doing.
When I tell my boy to stop being glued to his PS4, and get a life like I used to when I spent most of it larking about outside with my mates.
Quote from: Kentish Gent on May 29, 2015, 02:29:59 PM
When you keep a special stick in the shed, just for stirring paint
Ive got one of them, Bamboo cane, it has green paint stuck
to it at moment...
Quote from: Burt on May 31, 2015, 06:48:48 PM
When I tell my boy to stop being glued to his PS4, and get a life like I used to when I spent most of it larking about outside with my mates.
You're not old enough, Burt, if you know what a PS4(?) is.
You know you like cooked cheese but it will only make you suffer later on.
The swelling in the back of the neck isn't a worry because you'll probably be dead before you can get anybody to look at it.
Someone called Johanna Konta became the first British player to win 3 matches@ Eastbourne this week
What the heck has happened to Sue Barker & Virginia Wade?
They never seem to play any tournaments let alone try & win Wimbledon these days.............
