A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food. While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is it silk? Very nice!" Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth. Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylish, my man. Are they Italian leather? They look grrreat!" He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool. A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks fantastic! Is it an Armani? Luvverly!" He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I going crazy?" "Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts." "The PEANUTS?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him. "Yes," replies the waiter, "...they're complimentary."
He is then verbally abused by the cigarette machine, calls the waiter over who informs him that the machine is out of order.
Quote from: Beamer on March 20, 2019, 10:43:00 AM
He is then verbally abused by the cigarette machine, calls the waiter over who informs him that the machine is out of order.
Exactly 😂
That same bloke walked into the gents, and as he passed a condom machine installed in the Gents, he noticed somebody had written on the front of the machine..........
" This is the worst chewing gum I have ever tasted ".
My girlfriend asked me if I had ever peed in the shower.
I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."
She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"
"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a dump"
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
"He gets her name, address, Social security number, etc. and then asks, "Whats your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Lets try to rephrase that."
"The woman says, "Ok, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
"They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
The accountant says, "Chicken Farmer it is."
Bloke asks his wife if she'd like to try the wheelbarrow position. After he explains what it is, she says "ok, so long and we don't have to go past my mum's".
Tony Khan thinks he knows about football
Quote from: sunburywhite on March 29, 2019, 05:30:50 PM
Tony Khan thinks he knows about football
I think that is "Fulham Related"... :033:
