NFR -- Start your week with a groaner

[HatterDon]

Q. What's 20 yards wide and has 8 teeth?























A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

next?

[TheDaddy]

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, loving beautiful!'"

[TheDaddy]

Definitely


A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."

A second little boy says,"Trees are definitely green."

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY poo my pants!"

[The Equalizer]

Definitely


A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."

A second little boy says,"Trees are definitely green."

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY sh1t my pants!"

BAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Burt]

Can I start groaning already or would that be bad manners?

[TheDaddy]

Don't Step On Them


Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!"

Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or should I?"

[MisfitKid]

I feel sorry for that Johnny kid...  :005:

[Blingo]

Two scabs falling off of a cliff and one turns to the other and says im a gonner ere.

[Logicalman]

Little Johnny was late for school one day, 2 hours late, so the teacher told to go stand outside the headmasters study.

Shortly the headmaster came by and said "Well Johnny, very late today, what's your excuse then?"
Johnny replied "Dad got burnt this morning"
"Oh no", said the headmaster, " was it serious"
"well" said Johnny, "They don't piss about at the crematorium"

[jarv]

I hope this doesn't get banned. I spent last week-end skiing in Vermont with a bunch of older guys (over 60)  One of the jokes...

what's the difference between a jewish american priness (americans will understand that) and spaghetti.

when you eat spaghetti it moves about a bit. :011: