Talksport - Mark Hughes' Diary

[Luke]

With Mark Hughes missing out on the Aston Villa and Chelsea jobs and currently unemployed after walking out on Fulham, talkSPORT has gained exclusive access* to this personal diary. Here is the entry dated 1 July 2011...

6.30am: Alarm went off, jumped out of bed ready for another day's football training and transfer dealing. Then woke up, realised it was all a dream, pulled the covers over my head and went back to sleep.

8am: Got up and checked talksport.co.uk to see if I'm being linked with any managerial vacancies. I'm not and my heart sank further when I saw my old club Fulham had beaten NSI Runavik 3-0 in the Europa League. I thought NSI was National Savings and Investments, which reminds me... I must pop to the Post Office and send some more speculative CVs.

9.25am: Just remembered today is the first day I can officially speak to other clubs. The phone hasn't rung yet, so I'm just going to watch a little bit of Jeremy Kyle before I get talking to all those clubs I imagine are lining me up as their next manager.

11am: What's this? I'm in the news! 'Future unclear for TJ Hughes' it says. Don't they know my name is Mark?

11.15am: Turns out TJ Hughes is a department store that's gone into administration and, as a result, sadly lots of people are facing an uncertain future. I know the feeling.

1pm: Log on to Facebook to see if any football chairmen have poked me, but waste an hour looking at other people's pictures. Fergie looks so smug in that photo of him and De Gea – can't believe he liked his own post and commented 'lol'.

3pm: Get a tweet from Mark Bowen asking if I've accepted the Bury job. No idea what he's talking about.

3.15pm: False alarm. A quick Google search reveals that Bury have signed a 24-year-old centre-half named Mark Hughes. Apparently they've got a new manager, Richie Barker – never heard of him. How do these people get jobs?!

4pm: Deal or No Deal is on. Thinking of applying to be a contestant because otherwise, by the looks of it, I won't be doing any deals this summer. Mind you, if Noel Edmonds could find work again, anything's possible.

6pm: I see on talksport.co.uk that Fulham have released a range of Michael Jackson memorabilia called 'Michael at the Cottage'. Makes me glad to be out of it, although I quite like the look of the statue tee – good for sleeping in.

8pm: Brilliant! I'm over the moon! I knew today was going to be a good day and, sure enough, I've found an episode of Friends on E4 that I've never seen before. Wonders never cease.

10pm: Bedtime. One last check of my email and it looks promising. 'An Advance Fee From Russia' is the subject title and it seems I've been chosen by an oil tycoon to help him out with a bit of business. Hoping it's that Usmanov fella at Arsenal. Looks like I'm going to have the last laugh, Roman!

*We've made it up, basically.

[Matt]

What an excellent start to my morning. Many thanks for posting!  :011:  :clap_hands:

[Fernhurst]

Cracker !! Thank you

That arrogance must be seeping right out of that grey haired old fella....... Now that mob down the road may have found "an ambitious young manager".

Personally, feel happier with the new guy than ever felt when TJ Hughes was in charge.

Can't wait for Danny Murphys autobiography to find just how little he had to do with our resurgence in form last season.

[os5889]

Love these type of spoof stories, cheers for posting Luke

[sunburywhite]

LMBO
:011: :011:

[michaelread]

Mark Whos?