NFR- I need some urgent advice

[clintclintdeuce]

My good friend and mentor of sorts while I was finishing up university had a tragic loss of life this weekend when his daughter was killed in an accident. I am at loss of what to send, but I know that I need to send something. Should I send something to him personally or so I just send something to the funeral home for his daughter?? I am at a loss, never really had something like this happen before.

[MrCheviot]

Sorry to hear CCD...

I believe it's typical to have flowers sent to the funeral home (they're all collected there and they deal with transport etc.), and to send personal cards/letters/etc. to their home.

In the past I've had to do this, but I opted to not send flowers b/c they asked for donations to town's little league program. As for the note.. I struggled mightily to come up with something deep and meaningful, but got frustrated by the number of cliches coming out of my pen. Eventually, I pulled out a clean piece of paper, wrote 2 short yet sincere sentences, and signed it. Really, that's all it takes.

[Steve_orino]

Hate to read this thread an not reply...but really I'm at a loss on what to send; sorry.

Sorry to hear about your friends loss.  

Appreciate you asking us but maybe asking the big guy up stairs would help too.

[Logicalman]

CCD,
Sorry to hear this, but I agree with Mr C, a short, personal note from yourself, often means the world to someone suffering such loss, much more than the impersonal words often bantered about.

[LBNo11]

...it is so difficult to know what to say in such devastating circumstances, but the advice you have been given rings true, a heartfelt note rather than a card will show that you are there for them. Sorry to hear the news...

[FC Silver Fox]

I agree with the other contributors. I can't begin to know the feelings of losing one of your children. Just the thought of it makes me shudder.  I think Mr C. has it about right. Something short, just tell him what you feel and that you are there for him. Whatever you say will be totally inadequate for him and you. You just have to do what you can.

[blingo]

It is never nice to hear of such a tragic loss. As others have already said on here, keep it brief, your friend will have more than enough on his mind right now and i am sure that he already knows that he can count on his very good friend for anything at this sad time.

[Dugliss]

Just send a card with a short note expressing your sorrow and letting your friend know that you`re there if they ever need you. Anything more will just go over his head at such a difficult time

[chez]

very tragic, and think as people have suggested here a short personal note from yourself at this time.Just write what your heart tells you too, don't analyze it too much

[OldBrownShoe]

Nothing I could really add to the other posts. Mr Cheviot had it about right. I should think a sentence of two of your own words to your friend (but not to the funeral home).

[Lighthouse]

Agree with what has been said. The point is they will feel numb now and couldn't care less what is sent to them. But a note in a card just to say you are thinking of them and telling them now or later you are there for them.

I found that the people I now remember are the people who did the simple things. Shopping or lending cash because they couldn't go to a bank. Simple stupid things that when you are in the middle of the grief you just cannot do. The shock of any sudden death never goes away. Just be there for them.

[GoldCoastWhite]

Sad news indeed CCD. Have you seen a funeral notice or do you know anyone in their local area that might have done ? There's often a request stating no flowers or similar that asks for donations to a particular cause or charity for instance. And I agree with all those who suggested a short, personal note to let them know you are thinking of them. Blank cards are usually my choice as those with a message printed are usually much too cliched.

[clintclintdeuce]

Thank you all for your advice, it is truly appreciated.

My friend was the dean of the university, and the day before I was asking him for a recommendation for graduate school... you could imagine the shock you would get when the response to your request was that. So weve spoke over the e-mail a bit since. My family and I are going to be making a donation to a soup kitchen that they have asked donations to go to, and I will send this check in the card to my friend personally.

Again, I really appreciate all of your help.

Best-
Tom

[clintclintdeuce]

http://ourmidland.com/articles/2010/03/02/local_news/2458277.txt

Just a litte web bit about it.

[mofulham]

CCD, I didnt read thoroughly enough to get a sense if you are in the same area as this mentor.  However, if you are, I would recommend going to the funeral and/or the wake.  It is difficult but it means a lot (at least to some people and how do you ever know who it matters to).  But regardless, each time you do this you will learn more about what to do in these circumstances and you will learn more about life.  Dont  think about yourself at this point just go to the funeral/wake and show you care.

[clintclintdeuce]

Unfortunately, I am in Jacksonville, Florida, about 1150 miles away visiting my father.