NFR How useful are consultants!

[Peabody]

 Subject: Fw: Indian restaurant
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>                 A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an
> organization.
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>                 Last week, we took some friends to a new Indian restaurant,
> 'Muthu's Place,' and noticed that the Indian waiter who took our order carried a
> spoon in his shirt pocket.  It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought
> our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
> Then I looked around and saw that all the Indian staff had spoons in their
> pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the
> spoon?'
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>                 'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen
> Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis,
> they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently  dropped utensil. It
> represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our
> personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the
> kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift..'
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>                 As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it
> with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of
> making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.
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>                 I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian
> waiter's fly.
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>                 Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the
> same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the
> waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
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>                 'Oh, certainly!' Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. 'Not
> everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we
> can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our
> you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to
> wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'
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>                 I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
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>                 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use
> the spoon.'

[LBNo11]

 064.gif

:58:

[jarv]

 :57:

How useful? Lend me your watch and I'll tell you the time. That's how useful.

[Peabody]

I dunno about me watch but I've got a spoon you can have.

[HatterDon]

When I went into the consulting business in 1998, my brother gave me the perfect definition of an "expert consultant" -- a guy from out of town.

[The Bronsons]

How to be a consultant:

1) Ask the employees what needs to be changed. Print their answers in colour in a big flash binder and present them as your conclusions.

2) If the company is centralised, recommend decentralisation; if the company is decentralised, centralise.

3) If the company offers a range of products and services, recommend it focuses on its core business; if it only does one or two things, recommend diversification.

2 and 3 rely on the fact that the company must be failing, or it wouldn't be hiring consultants. Therefore its current strategy is rubbish so they should do the opposite.

1 relies on the fact that the people who do the work tend to know how the work could be done better. But managers won't listen to staff because they are cheap and don't have presentation skills. Hence the consultant.

[HatterDon]

Mr. The Bronsons, many of us know that there is not a syllable you've written that is incorrect or exaggerated.

[LBNo11]

How to be a consultant:

1) Ask the employees what needs to be changed. Print their answers in colour in a big flash binder and present them as your conclusions.

2) If the company is centralised, recommend decentralisation; if the company is decentralised, centralise.

3) If the company offers a range of products and services, recommend it focuses on its core business; if it only does one or two things, recommend diversification.

2 and 3 rely on the fact that the company must be failing, or it wouldn't be hiring consultants. Therefore its current strategy is rubbish so they should do the opposite.

1 relies on the fact that the people who do the work tend to know how the work could be done better. But managers won't listen to staff because they are cheap and don't have presentation skills. Hence the consultant.

...thank you for a genuine laugh, all of it so very true  077.gif ...