NFR - A humorous look at church bulletins

[cebu]

These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a little proofreading could have
prevented.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at The Calvary Memorial Church in
Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Don't forget the National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting and
Prayer conference includes meals."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation hall. Come
out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Don't forget your husbands." Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the
Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight will be: "Searching for
Jesus"

Barbara Jones remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also
having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you, and hopefully they will respond.

Don't let worry kill you—let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our
choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to
cripple children.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert
will be served for a nominal feel.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.—prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on
Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 8 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the Church basement on Friday at 7
PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door
at the side entrance.

[MasterHaynes]

 064.gif  :Haynes The Maestro:

[jarv]

very good.

[Bassey the warrior]

Excellent.

[The Bronsons]

 064.gif Thanks - great stuff.

[Fulham Tup North]

 :plus one:
Superb Stuff........ :)

[Burt]

Nice one - there's some crackers in there.

[Forever Fulham]

 064.gif

[Vinnieffc]

I'm on my own in the pub laughing my head off and getting some strange stares.. This deserves a  :bump:

[The Equalizer]

Superb!

[gerrys]

Love them..... :021:

[Fulham1959]

Call me cynical, but I rather doubt that all of these are genuine.  Equally so, those quotes from "actual" motor insurance claim forms which do the rounds from time-to-time.

Mr. Cynical

[epsomraver]

These two are genuine from newspapers 
An Australian army vehicle worth $74.000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage!

Followed by "One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers".