Joke for the Day

[Forever Fulham]

Guy goes into the doctor's office.  The doctor says, "I have bad news and really bad news."

The guy says, "Give me the really bad news first."

The doctor says, "You have cancer."

The guy says," "What's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "You have Alzheimer's."

The guy says, "Well it could be worse.  I could have cancer."

[epsomraver]

pathetic!

[FC Silver Fox]

Continuing the medical theme but in slightly better taste...

A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local National Health Service hospital and this conversation follows:

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Rowntree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'
'Do you know which ward she is in?'
'Yes, ward P, room 2B'
'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'

'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'
'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Rowntree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'
'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Rowntree's condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'
'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'

'No, I'm Mrs Rowntree in room 2B. Nobody tells you bugger all in here.

[Artful Dodger]

Stretching the medical theme.....

Man: "Doctor, Doctor, I seem to have a lettuce growing out of my ear!!"
Doctor: "It could be serious - that just looks like the tip of the iceberg"

Ok, I'll leave now.....

[BestOfBrede]

I went to see the Doctor the other.......

I had to, He wasn't well !

[BestOfBrede]

I went to the Doctor about these terrible dreams I keep having...

He said "What are the dreams about?"
"Well, there's these georgeous naked girls that keep coming at me and I push them away, but they still keep coming and I keep pushing them away", I replied
"Well", he said, "what do you want me to do about it?"

"Break my arms", I replied!

[epsomraver]

Come back Mr Peabody, all is forgiven!! 

[Peabody]

Well lets try this one

An elderly man is stopped by police at about 2 am and is asked "where are you going at this time of night?" The old man replies "I am on my way to a lecture on alcohol abuse and the effect it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late at night".

The officer then asks . "Really? Just who is giving that lecture at this time of night?.

The man replies "That will be the wife".

[Vinnieffc]

Patient : Doctor, I keep walking around thinking that I'm Tom Jones..
Doctor : It's not unusual..
:Get Coat gif:

[Cravenawin]

Doc "I have some bad news and some really bad news"
Patient" give me the bad news first "
Doc " you've only got 24 hours left to live"
Patient ( now in a distraught state) " oh my god, what's the REALLY bad news?"
Doc "I meant to tell you yesterday!"

[Buffalo76]

Guy goes into the doctor’s office.  The doctor says, “I have bad news and really bad news.”

The guy says, “Give me the really bad news first.”

The doctor says, “You have cancer.”

The guy says,” “What’s the bad news?”

The doctor says, “You have Alzheimer’s.”

The guy says, “Well it could be worse.  I could have cancer.”

I went to the Doctor about these terrible dreams I keep having...

He said "What are the dreams about?"
"Well, there's these georgeous naked girls that keep coming at me and I push them away, but they still keep coming and I keep pushing them away", I replied
"Well", he said, "what do you want me to do about it?"

"Break my arms", I replied!

Good one. Keep em coming !

[Edwatch_Winston_Malone]

A woman goes to her Dr for some cream for terrible carpet burns on her knees.
How did you get these?  he asks

From making love doggy style, she replies

Have you tried the missionary position? the Dr asks

You are joking she replied. Have you smelled an Alsatian's breath...

[epsomraver]

Guy goes into the doctor's office.  The doctor says, "I have bad news and really bad news."

The guy says, "Give me the really bad news first."

The doctor says, "You have cancer."

The guy says," "What's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "You have Alzheimer's."

The guy says, "Well it could be worse.  I could have cancer."

I went to the Doctor about these terrible dreams I keep having...

He said "What are the dreams about?"
"Well, there's these georgeous naked girls that keep coming at me and I push them away, but they still keep coming and I keep pushing them away", I replied
"Well", he said, "what do you want me to do about it?"

"Break my arms", I replied!

Good one. Keep em coming !

Or not, must be an American thing to find those jokes funny, always said they laugh at nothing!

[Forever Fulham]

Guy goes into the doctor's office.  The doctor says, "I have bad news and really bad news."

The guy says, "Give me the really bad news first."

The doctor says, "You have cancer."

The guy says," "What's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "You have Alzheimer's."

The guy says, "Well it could be worse.  I could have cancer."

I went to the Doctor about these terrible dreams I keep having...

He said "What are the dreams about?"
"Well, there's these georgeous naked girls that keep coming at me and I push them away, but they still keep coming and I keep pushing them away", I replied
"Well", he said, "what do you want me to do about it?"

"Break my arms", I replied!

Good one. Keep em coming !

Or not, must be an American thing to find those jokes funny, always said they laugh at nothing!

Then how do you explain "Benny Hill"?  :022: