NFR Jokes

[rogerpbackinMidEastUS]

Police cordoned off the area around Anfield during a recent match when a
suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disc.

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A Blonde gets a job as a Sports teacher.
She notices a little boy in the field standing alone, while all the other
kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says.
'It's best I stay here,' he says.
'Why?', says the blonde.
'Because, I'm the  goalie!!'
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ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[jarv]

 :005:made me chuckle.

[farfouille]

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate who looks like this:



During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow...
Love,
Mom.

[nose]

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate who looks like this:



During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow...
Love,
Mom.

wonderful rendition of an old joke that always makes me laugh... i hardly noticed the picture several times!

[Bedford White]

My wife bought a Manchester United lamp the other week, I have to say it looks really great sitting in the middle of the table!

David Moyes spent years trying to get Everton above Man Utd in the league, great to see he's finally acheived it...

:dead horse:   093.gif   064.gif  xmascheer1

:merry christmas:

[farfouille]

My wife bought a Manchester United lamp the other week, I have to say it looks really great sitting in the middle of the table!

Visual proof:

[Neil D]

Liverpool have made a new Italian signing: Robatelli.

[Riverside]

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate who looks like this:



During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow...
Love,
Mom.

wonderful rendition of an old joke that always makes me laugh... i hardly noticed the picture several times!

What picture ?

[Vinnieffc]

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate who looks like this:



During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow...
Love,
Mom.

wonderful rendition of an old joke that always makes me laugh... i hardly noticed the picture several times!

What picture ?

That looks like a wedding ring on her finger. So is she unattainable or more of a challenge ?

[farfouille]

That looks like a wedding ring on her finger. So is she unattainable or more of a challenge ?

I say challenge - the wedding ring should be on the right hand, not the left one, I think... or hope.

[epsomraver]

That looks like a wedding ring on her finger. So is she unattainable or more of a challenge ?

I say challenge - the wedding ring should be on the right hand, not the left one, I think... or hope.

Nope it is always worn on the left hand, ring finger, worn on middle finger if they are looking for some one, is your nose straight and nuts intact?

[ron]

...or was the picture printed the wrong side up?

[farfouille]

That looks like a wedding ring on her finger. So is she unattainable or more of a challenge ?

I say challenge - the wedding ring should be on the right hand, not the left one, I think... or hope.

Nope it is always worn on the left hand, ring finger, worn on middle finger if they are looking for some one, is your nose straight and nuts intact?

Strange, I'm pretty sure in Bulgaria we wear it on the right hand - probably something to do with your right hand drive cars, it's all messed up.  :005:

:Get Coat gif:

[cmg]

That looks like a wedding ring on her finger. So is she unattainable or more of a challenge ?

I say challenge - the wedding ring should be on the right hand, not the left one, I think... or hope.

Nope it is always worn on the left hand, ring finger, worn on middle finger if they are looking for some one, is your nose straight and nuts intact?

Strange, I'm pretty sure in Bulgaria we wear it on the right hand - probably something to do with your right hand drive cars, it's all messed up.  :005:

:Get Coat gif:

So.......does that mean Yaya Toure's a Bulgarian?

[farfouille]

That looks like a wedding ring on her finger. So is she unattainable or more of a challenge ?

I say challenge - the wedding ring should be on the right hand, not the left one, I think... or hope.

Nope it is always worn on the left hand, ring finger, worn on middle finger if they are looking for some one, is your nose straight and nuts intact?

Strange, I'm pretty sure in Bulgaria we wear it on the right hand - probably something to do with your right hand drive cars, it's all messed up.  :005:

:Get Coat gif:

So.......does that mean Yaya Toure's a Bulgarian?

LOL
Nice one.

[ron]

I'm sure that in Germany they still wear the wedding ring on third finger, right hand. I remember a trivial pursuit -type question about on which finger Queen Victoria wore her wedding ring.....it was the right hand because Prince Albert was German.

Now where he wore his ring has been the stuff of legend ever since......  

[farfouille]

I'm sure that in Germany they still wear the wedding ring on third finger, right hand. I remember a trivial pursuit -type question about on which finger Queen Victoria wore her wedding ring.....it was the right hand because Prince Albert was German.

Now where he wore his ring has been the stuff of legend ever since...... 

It makes perfect sense - after all, Germans drive left hand drive cars...

[Ichabod Magoo]

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate who looks like this:



During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow...
Love,
Mom.

wonderful rendition of an old joke that always makes me laugh... i hardly noticed the picture several times!

What picture ?

What joke ??

[Ichabod Magoo]

Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.  In one year, it would be approximately $5400 ...correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

[farfouille]

Well, I prefer beer. You can't drive a Ferrari while watching Fulham.