lighten the mood

[epsomraver]

At my ripe old age i went to a local disco last night, The played the twist so I twisted. They played the jive, so I jived. They played Come On Eileen and  I got kicked out! 064.gif

[vbg cottager]

nice one  064.gif

[westcliff white]

hehe

[f321ffc]

Whats thirty feet long and smells like pee?
Line dancing at a nursing home.  092.gif

[Burt]

I see some people have been on Peabody's training course  :dft011:

[Peabody]

I see some people have been on Peabody's training course  :dft011:


Looks like I failed

[epsomraver]

A woman walked into a Police Station and said to the Officer at the Desk, " I have just been raped by a Docker ". The Officer replied, " how do you know it's a Docker". She said " well he was wearing a flat cap, and a hook in his belt, and I did all the work ".

Jimmy Jones Montague arms circa 1974.still got the vinyl

[Logicalman]

A woman walked into a Police Station and said to the Officer at the Desk, " I have just been raped by a Docker ". The Officer replied, " how do you know it's a Docker". She said " well he was wearing a flat cap, and a hook in his belt, and I did all the work ".

Jimmy Jones Montague arms circa 1974.still got the vinyl

One of my all time favorites mate, saw him live in Bournemouth back in 83 I think it was, when he found out the two tables at the front were full of coppers, well, that made his night, and half of the urine-extraction of us for the show.

[f321ffc]

 Old man went doctor's to get a sperm count, the doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.

The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the bloody jar open!"

[epsomraver]

Old man went doctor's to get a sperm count, the doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.

The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the bloody jar open!"

064.gif 064.gif

[epsomraver]

Similar old boy had a touch of the " farmers, Doctor gave him some suppositories and told him to place them in his back passage, 2 weeks later back at the Docs, no better, the old boy said " i did exactly what you told me placed them in my back passage right by the back door, for what good that done me i might as well have stuffed them up my Ar*e

[Logicalman]

Doctor walking through the hospital, Nurse asks him "Doctor, why have you got suppository behind your ear", Doctor retrieves the suppository and with a horrified look exclaims "Some arse has got my pencil"   :dft001: OK  :Get Coat gif:

[HatterDon]

one that's popular over here.

Judge: You are charged with grievous bodily harm on the person of your husband.

Woman: Yes, your honor. I beat him senseless with a guitar

Judge: I see. First offender?

Woman: No, first a Gibson, THEN a Fender

Oh well, please yourselves.  :Get Coat gif: