NFR Joke

[sunburywhite]

A man went into a bookstore and complained...
"I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"
The sales assistant said, "That's because it has no spine."

[sunburywhite]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest..

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[sunburywhite]

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

[sunburywhite]

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked

[sunburywhite]

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite

[SP]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other, does this meat taste funny to you?

[sunburywhite]

I went to the doctor aand said I thought I was a pair of curtains

He told me to pull myself together

[Woolly Mammoth]

Foreign Aid is a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries, to rich people in poor countries.

[ScalleysDad]

Results and performances have been getting me down lately. "Never mind", said the wife, "You could you could be at the bottom of a thirty foot, dark, shaft up to your waist in cold water"
I knew she meant well.

[Woolly Mammoth]

I once threw a Boomerang, and I have been living in constant fear ever since.

[BigbadBillyMcKinley]

How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?


None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.

[Holders]

How many LIverpool fans does it take to change a hubcap?

Impossible, none would want to be seen putting one back.

[RaySmith]

That Liverpool fans are fair minded and knowledgeable about football.

[keithh]

On their way to the church to get married, a young  couple were involved in a fatal car accident.
Being good  the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they began to wonder: could they still get married in Heaven?

St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.

After three months, St Peter finally returns "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven".

"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

"You must be joking" says St. Peter.

  "It took me three months to find a priest up here.....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer? "

[keithh]

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.' I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.'

He had De Gaulle to do this as he figured he had nothing Toulouse.

[Woolly Mammoth]

Today I watched a Documentary on how ships were kept together, riveting.