NFR: I read this out at a 4th July event last week

[rogerpbackinMidEastUS]

and then posted it on a large community called Next Door.
The event was great because I knew the people (mostly Americans)
and they understand my humour (with a U)
The community group was a different kettle of fish, approx 80 % liked it,
10 had no idea what I was talking about and the other sent me varioos
emails:
"Your a schmuck
Ar****le
F*** wit
F*** the Queen
American hater"
If I meet you on the street !!
and so on.

The reason I'm posting it is to show the effect PC BS has on people over here (and of course
around the world) and how it reduces their sense of humour and are frightened of anything
Humorous and controversial.
Independence was 243 years ago.
Any of you that know me will know my response and the fact I don't give a toss
I love it here although in this neck of the woods............there is a 'nation' of complete arrogance.

************************************

A message from the Queen

Buckingham Palace
Westminster,
London  SW1A 1AA, UK

My Dear Rog,
On behalf of the Crown, one would be grateful if you could read this letter to the members of Humana at your "We let you win" presentation the day before that miss-guided celebration thingy tomorrow.
As requested I have passed your resume to the decision making panel and hopefully the next time you visit Phil the Greek and myself at Windsor Castle you will be inducted as Sir Roger and Lady Ida of the fittingly named Kings Point, in honor of Charles (my big-eared son) and his wife thing Camilla (The Horse) my future Heir.
I did recently visit the grave of my 3rd Great Grandfather, King George
3rd in St Georges Chapel at Windsor and left a tin of Boston Harbour Tea on the gravestone (That's harbour with a U) in a brightly coloured
tin (that's coloured with a U) and a distinct flavor (that's flavour with a U)
My Great Great Great Grandpapa is still fondly remembered in History as the "Mad King who lost America"
Phil, Charles, Camilla, Harry, Ann, Andrew, Sarah, Edward, William and Catherine (and their 3 offspring) Harry, Beatrice, Eugenie, Zara, and what's her name ?....oh yes Megan.
PSST: a little known piece of information, Archie is his 2nd name, the first is Libber.
The Corgis also barked Hi to you although they sound RUFF !
All my Love
Liz




MESSAGE

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy)

   Our PENDING Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Boris and Donald will form a Dual Prime President role to overseas Little America, England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
   The term New England will now cover all 50 states in the former US

   Congress and the Senate will be disbanded and replaced by Members of Parliament and as such will introduce proportional representation, a
Major course of the last skirmish
   K Street will be burned to the ground
   The stockmarket will return to fair market trading (or bartering) and 50% of most earnings from Futures and Short selling markets will be controlled by the Gambling Commission.
   The ringing of the bell and the clapping on stage at the end of trading by people with sparkling teeth (particularly on a day when stocks have plummeted) will be outlawed.
   No foreign companies will be allowed to buy a percentage in New England Companies (Except of course by UK subjects)


A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.




To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
   July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
   The Medical Mafia will become state controlled
   You will learn to resolve personal issues without using lawyers, or therapists.
   GUN CONTROL:  You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
   Only Corgis will be allowed to be Comfort Dogs
   All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
   Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the                British sense of humour.
   Happy Holidays will return to Happy Christmas
   Political Correctness regulations will be reduced.
   Cockney or London Rhyming Slang will be introduced to the school Curriculum from 3 years of age.
   The practice of back-handers and bribery to join posh schools will be legalized,  This will be in tandem with UK 'blind eyeing   We have been getting away with this forever.

   The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
   You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
   You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.
   Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby which will become your National Sport By September.
    Cheese-Chasing, Worm Charming, Girds and Cleeks +   Conkers will be adopted as sports

   Salmon and cucumber sandwiches, Bubble and Squeek, Sausage Toad in the Hole, Tiddy Oggies, Pease Puddings,Steak and Kidney Pies, Jellied Eel Pie and Mash, Yorkshire Puddings, Kedgeree,  Spotted Dick, Rumbledethumps, Fish and Chips (not fries) Mushy Peas, Clotted Cream, Cockles, Whelks, PerriWinkles and Muscles with glasses of Pimms will be the only food and drink available at Sporting Events.




    States will know be known as Counties
   You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad
   An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
   Guy Faulk's Night will be the only evening that Fireworks will be allowed.
   Driving licenses and car registrations with be national issued, alleviating the need to pay fortunes when anyone moves Counties.
   Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
   Tea must be sipped with an extended pinkie
   Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will be banned from any TV appearances or media programming.
   Following the coronation of Dumbo, Camilla will be referred to as
The First Horse
   The words France or French, spoken in public or private will risk a
punishment of a week on a deserted island with Piers Morgan, Ann Coulter, Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi, Sponge Bob,  Alec Baldwin,  Bill O'Reilly,  The entire House of Representatives, Chuck Schummer, Rosie O'Donnell, Bill Clinton, Al Sharpton, Harry Reid, and Joel Osteen

Enjoy your future prosperity.

MY BAD

God Save the Queen!


I think the original was John Cleese but I tweaked it a lot

[YankeeJim]

Can we offset our back taxes with the monies we used to bail you lot out after the two world wars your cousins started?
Oh, and will you lot be paying off that Lend Lease bill?
Will we be able to have our own SOCCER team ala Wales, No. Ireland and Scotland? After all, we're no better than they are.

With the above exceptions, I'm in support.

[YankeeJim]

Oh, you have to take the Clintons and the Obamas from us. There is room at Windsor Castle, I'm sure.

[rogerpbackinMidEastUS]

Can we offset our back taxes with the monies we used to bail you lot out after the two world wars your cousins started?
Oh, and will you lot be paying off that Lend Lease bill?
Will we be able to have our own SOCCER team ala Wales, No. Ireland and Scotland? After all, we're no better than they are.

With the above exceptions, I'm in support.

Jim, I'll talk to George, the tax collector, and in view of your understandable request, I'm sure something can be tweaked.

I will, perhaps, keep you informed

[rogerpbackinMidEastUS]

Oh, you have to take the Clintons and the Obamas from us. There is room at Windsor Castle, I'm sure.

Sorry, Elizabeth does not want those families or the Bush's and probably (truth be known) Donald Trump.
She would however welcome an exhumation of Ronald Reagan. and reappoint any relative of Maggie.

[rogerpbackinMidEastUS]

Can we offset our back taxes with the monies we used to bail you lot out after the two world wars your cousins started?
Oh, and will you lot be paying off that Lend Lease bill?
Will we be able to have our own SOCCER team ala Wales, No. Ireland and Scotland? After all, we're no better than they are.

With the above exceptions, I'm in support.

Jim, I'll talk to George, the tax collector, and in view of your understandable request, I'm sure something can be tweaked.

I will, perhaps, keep you informed

The US national team will be called "USUKFC" but will only permit ancestors born in the 13 states who signed the Declaration

[YankeeJim]

Only descendants that signed the Declaration? That would give us a talent pool the size Malta.

[Jem]

" Archie is his 2nd name, the first is Libber"
Laughed until I cried. Great work Roger.

[Nero]

The problem is that its the only war America have won by themselves that wasn't against each other so they're very precious about it.