joke nfr

[blingo]

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

[YankeeJim]

A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.  One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really?  Darn it!" said the little old lady.  "I'd better go back and see if I can find them.  Thanks for telling me, Officer."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.

"Where did you get all that money?  You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no," said the old lady.  "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course.  A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.  It used to really tick me off.  Kills the flowers, you know.  Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?'  So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole,  real quiet, with my hedge clippers.  Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy!  Give me $20 or off it comes!'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing.  "OK.  Good luck!  Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

[YankeeJim]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.