NFR - Life and mental health

[RufusBrevettatemyhamster]

A bit of a different topic and one I hope people can get on board with.

Covid, restrictions, christmas, life, work or whatever has been tough the last few years. It has had serious effects on peoples mental health. Across the board (not this one but the general one) people have lost loved ones, lost jobs, split up with partners or slowly gone made because life is so different.

As this board is - i'm assuming - mainly blokes, and blokes don't tend to talk about feelings and emotions, why don't we have a topic for people to ask for advice. have a rant or just a general chat.
Also, maybe we can start to organise a fulham drink up when football isn't on for those that don't have much family.

Just a suggestion and it would be good if things didn't get personal and we all just get together to help one and other.

Be nice or whatever the phrase is.

[Logicalman]

Good thread. Very relevant for a number of years now, though not only restricted to blokes, there are some stats that indicate that guys do have higher degree of mental and substance disorders than the gentle sex.

For some of us in the IT world we were somewhat doubly lucky, as I was used to working from home previously (4 years remotely) and as such my job (and livelihood) were not at as much risk as some other professions. That's not gloating, it's recognition that there are a lot of people out there who were greatly impacted by the situation over the past couple of years, and those blokes that were affected, by all accounts, were less likely to ask others for help or talk it out with others. I made a point of chatting with my sons in that time more frequently than I normally do, perhaps for my own sanity as well as theirs.

[RufusBrevettatemyhamster]

Good thread. Very relevant for a number of years now, though not only restricted to blokes, there are some stats that indicate that guys do have higher degree of mental and substance disorders than the gentle sex.

For some of us in the IT world we were somewhat doubly lucky, as I was used to working from home previously (4 years remotely) and as such my job (and livelihood) were not at as much risk as some other professions. That's not gloating, it's recognition that there are a lot of people out there who were greatly impacted by the situation over the past couple of years, and those blokes that were affected, by all accounts, were less likely to ask others for help or talk it out with others. I made a point of chatting with my sons in that time more frequently than I normally do, perhaps for my own sanity as well as theirs.

Glad to hear you've got someone to reach out to. Talking is important. I've suffered from mental health issues in the past (don't think you ever full get over it, just learn to live with it) and know how important talking is. Even over a pint with mates and putting the world to rights can be enough.

[Friendsoffulham]

A bit of a different topic and one I hope people can get on board with.

Covid, restrictions, christmas, life, work or whatever has been tough the last few years. It has had serious effects on peoples mental health. Across the board (not this one but the general one) people have lost loved ones, lost jobs, split up with partners or slowly gone made because life is so different.

As this board is - i'm assuming - mainly blokes, and blokes don't tend to talk about feelings and emotions, why don't we have a topic for people to ask for advice. have a rant or just a general chat.
Also, maybe we can start to organise a fulham drink up when football isn't on for those that don't have much family.

Just a suggestion and it would be good if things didn't get personal and we all just get together to help one and other.

Be nice or whatever the phrase is.

Happy to let this run, as long as it doesn't boil over into another COVID / political thread, like most do. Our intentions are to never lock or close down threads, they just tend to go off on a tandem after the 4th / 5th reply, with someone having a dig, abusing others, or bringing up the Government is some shape or form.

Coming back to your original enquiry, we did used to meet up outside FOF, maybe before a game, or like you say, on a random meet to discuss football, or just have a chat. The numbers were good, but it fell the way side with the introduction of social media.

Lee, Fulham fan, run's Walk & Talk for Men's Mental Health, you've probably seen them walk to and from a few grounds

https://www.walkandtalkmmh.co.uk/

If you want to start something up under the FOF brand, like a regular meet, then happy to support it this end.

Shredhead, was, still is a member on here, but doesn't post much now, does a meet up in Brighton for Fulham fans @shredheadFFC on Twitter.

Hope this helps,

[Lighthouse]

Mental Health has been the poor, mad relative of the health service for years. If anything good has come out of the pandemic. Then hopefully it will better awareness of depression and metal health problems.

When the best advice for depression is to ring up Samaritans (who are excellent but over worked) or a tv station asking people to  be available to take calls for a chat. We know that there must be a problem.

I know many on here have experience to the fact that depression and mental health doesn't just hurt those suffering from the illness. Any chance people have to try and talk it out has to be a step in the right direction.

[RaySmith]

Good post.

People should  feel able to discuss their mental health, and share experiences, and FoF's post, above, does  cite a couple of people who do really good work in the this regard. I was very impressed by Lee, of the Walks to Games, when he spoke on the FoF  podcast.

In a survey, posted on here some time ago bout fans' mental health, when asked  what interventions by the club or  footballing authorities have has the most beneficial impact on your own mental health, I put Joe Bryan speaking out about his own  struggles, down.

It's that  personal testimony, of someone who has experienced problems  that seem similar to the ones I have suffered from most of my adult life, which resonated with me.
So well done Joe - I'm sure you've helped a lot of people.

I also watched a TED talk about depression and anxiety, on YouTube, and  I'm usually a bit sceptical about such things, but I knew the author, Johann Hari, through another of his books , about  addiction and drugs , Chasing the Scream, and I found his talk very helpful in the way it made me think of myself as a sufferer with these problems -

that  is, like s*** and weak, and instead   to think your feelings are human responses to  things that have occurred in your life, and I requested his book Lost Connection , about the causes of  depression and anxiety for my birthday, so looking forward to reading it on Kindle.

[cookieg]

Unfortunately Covid, we really can't escape it whatever your viewpoint, will have a lasting effect on the population for years to come. Male suicide rates are frightening, loneliness, mental health issues and undiagnosed/untreated illnesses will be the death of far too many people. If anything this needs to be a serious wake up call to everyone about how we as a society look after the most vulnerable amongst us. This is by no means to be political but more how we view ourselves and what really is important.

[Mince n Tatties]

Good subject to talk about indeed,I know someone  who has suffered badly with it all his life,and has attempted  suicide.
The great Robin Williams  who was always jovial in front of people and making them laugh,suffered with Demons all his life,till tragically  he killed himself.
Because of circumstances  nowadays, people are stating how depressed  they are,but they are two totally different  things.
Feeling and being  depressed  due to working from home,or your football  team isn't  winning isn't suffering  from depression, too many in recent times because of present situations are stating this.
The old saying of being "Down in the dumps" is more the answer,if you suffered from real depression like my friend and Robin Williams  did,you hide it and dont talk about it.

[Southdowns White]

I have no qualifications when it comes to mental health, but I do find having a focus other than going through the motions of everyday life, very helpful.   I work on my own all the time, sometimes I may only speak to a couple of people a week in the work environment, I am lucky though as unlike many I have a wife and late teenagers at home to communicate with every day.                                       This may not be a rocket science cure for mental health but I try to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, when I have a couple of hours or more I walk 7-10 miles. It's amazing how much better you feel after a long walk, whether it be in the middle of a city or middle of the countryside, you notice so much more when you're not actually walking to get somewhere. The best thing for me is it just gives you time to sort things through in your head and the added bonus is it keeps you physically fit, which also helps with mental health.
I know of other people who volunteer with various organisations throughout their local community, they really do make some good friends and have a thoroughly sociable time, another couple of friends who cycle with a a larger group at least once a week seems to be their escape from nothingness.                                                                                                                                                           I had a good friend who took his own life about 8 years ago, once the life and soul of any social situation, very good looking, everybody loved this guy. At around the time we all began to settle down with families kids etc, he began to cut himself off from everyone, wouldn't come out anymore, Friends and myself would call him, go around to his house but mainly there was no response, we later found out he had given up work. A group of us now all have a slight sense of guilt that we could have done more , but what?                 Mental health is a complex and varied area with many different causes, it affects not only those with the condition, but also those around them.                                                                                                                                                                           
The only thing I know for sure, is that talking through how you feel and what is effecting you will help start the process of recovery, and if you can reach out and talk to someone who may be suffering, you may just be able to help them as well.

[Twig]

One of my daughters suffers from depression fronted to time. It was triggered by one particular event but although that is well in the past the scars linger. My difficulty (and I suspect that of a lot of other guys) is that I want to fix her issues for her. I want to "put things right". I have come to learn that it's rarely possible but having the patience to stay sympathetic and supportive of someone whose sufferings last years rather than weeks or months requires a certain mindset - it's not easy.

[Andy S]

That's all you can do twig. People have to live their own life and being in a place where you can listen and offer support is the most important thing. Good luck

[RufusBrevettatemyhamster]

I have no qualifications when it comes to mental health, but I do find having a focus other than going through the motions of everyday life, very helpful.   I work on my own all the time, sometimes I may only speak to a couple of people a week in the work environment, I am lucky though as unlike many I have a wife and late teenagers at home to communicate with every day.                                       This may not be a rocket science cure for mental health but I try to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, when I have a couple of hours or more I walk 7-10 miles. It's amazing how much better you feel after a long walk, whether it be in the middle of a city or middle of the countryside, you notice so much more when you're not actually walking to get somewhere. The best thing for me is it just gives you time to sort things through in your head and the added bonus is it keeps you physically fit, which also helps with mental health.
I know of other people who volunteer with various organisations throughout their local community, they really do make some good friends and have a thoroughly sociable time, another couple of friends who cycle with a a larger group at least once a week seems to be their escape from nothingness.                                                                                                                                                           I had a good friend who took his own life about 8 years ago, once the life and soul of any social situation, very good looking, everybody loved this guy. At around the time we all began to settle down with families kids etc, he began to cut himself off from everyone, wouldn't come out anymore, Friends and myself would call him, go around to his house but mainly there was no response, we later found out he had given up work. A group of us now all have a slight sense of guilt that we could have done more , but what?                 Mental health is a complex and varied area with many different causes, it affects not only those with the condition, but also those around them.                                                                                                                                                                           
The only thing I know for sure, is that talking through how you feel and what is effecting you will help start the process of recovery, and if you can reach out and talk to someone who may be suffering, you may just be able to help them as well.

Having a focus and exercise without doubt help, but when you're in the middle of an episode there is nothing that motivates you to do anything.

[RufusBrevettatemyhamster]

One of my daughters suffers from depression fronted to time. It was triggered by one particular event but although that is well in the past the scars linger. My difficulty (and I suspect that of a lot of other guys) is that I want to fix her issues for her. I want to "put things right". I have come to learn that it's rarely possible but having the patience to stay sympathetic and supportive of someone whose sufferings last years rather than weeks or months requires a certain mindset - it's not easy.

You don't need to be there all day every day, but her knowing you're there is more than enough. Checking in a couple of times a week, can make a hell of a lot of difference.

[FFCFOREVER]

I can really resonate with this topic and fair play for raising it. I was a bloke that thought it was shameful or "soft" to feel anxious to the point of no return. This lead to depression and years of misery and pretence. Long story short is the fact that once I opened up to my wife of how I had been feeling for months and it never went away, it was easier to cope with and something I can now deal with. I cant really say any more without rambling on. But just talk. It can make all the difference.

[love4ffc]

I can really resonate with this topic and fair play for raising it. I was a bloke that thought it was shameful or "soft" to feel anxious to the point of no return. This lead to depression and years of misery and pretence. Long story short is the fact that once I opened up to my wife of how I had been feeling for months and it never went away, it was easier to cope with and something I can now deal with. I cant really say any more without rambling on. But just talk. It can make all the difference.

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[FFC In Oz]

As a suffer of crippling depression myself - this is a fantastic thread.

It would be great to have a space online where like-minded FFC fans can talk about issues they've had, how they've dealt with them - basically just have a place to have a vent with non-judgmental people.

I weaned myself off the Mirtazapine i had been prescribed by my doc, and I no longer see my psychologist.  There are still a lot of tough days, but I feel like it's good to have some sort of routine that helps get you out of bed - especially exercise.  But also being able to talk to someone you trust over a pint who doesn't pressure you to feel a particular way can be very helpful.

[Mr K.Dilkington]

This is an extremely important topic to raise in these testing  times we find ourselves living through.
People giving wholesome advice to one another is needed now more than ever.

[Southdowns White]

I have no qualifications when it comes to mental health, but I do find having a focus other than going through the motions of everyday life, very helpful.   I work on my own all the time, sometimes I may only speak to a couple of people a week in the work environment, I am lucky though as unlike many I have a wife and late teenagers at home to communicate with every day.                                       This may not be a rocket science cure for mental health but I try to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, when I have a couple of hours or more I walk 7-10 miles. It's amazing how much better you feel after a long walk, whether it be in the middle of a city or middle of the countryside, you notice so much more when you're not actually walking to get somewhere. The best thing for me is it just gives you time to sort things through in your head and the added bonus is it keeps you physically fit, which also helps with mental health.
I know of other people who volunteer with various organisations throughout their local community, they really do make some good friends and have a thoroughly sociable time, another couple of friends who cycle with a a larger group at least once a week seems to be their escape from nothingness.                                                                                                                                                           I had a good friend who took his own life about 8 years ago, once the life and soul of any social situation, very good looking, everybody loved this guy. At around the time we all began to settle down with families kids etc, he began to cut himself off from everyone, wouldn't come out anymore, Friends and myself would call him, go around to his house but mainly there was no response, we later found out he had given up work. A group of us now all have a slight sense of guilt that we could have done more , but what?                 Mental health is a complex and varied area with many different causes, it affects not only those with the condition, but also those around them.                                                                                                                                                                           
The only thing I know for sure, is that talking through how you feel and what is effecting you will help start the process of recovery, and if you can reach out and talk to someone who may be suffering, you may just be able to help them as well.

Having a focus and exercise without doubt help, but when you're in the middle of an episode there is nothing that motivates you to do anything.

Hi Rufus, I did suffer in my late teens and early 20s, not on any scale like most episodes that are recognisable to most on here, very much all in my own mind and no chemical imbalance.                                                                                                    My point was more about acting in some way before it would ever get to that major episode, once you are in that place most reasoning has gone. It may seem like nothing much but I had a mild birth mark, caused by blood vessels being close to the surface of my skin, it was on my ear, jaw line and neck on one side of my face, some may know it as a  (port wine stain) very red and very noticeable when hot. If I came in from the cold it would give me a mild burning sensation which I would imagine everyone was staring at me, at school kids were nasty as they will be. Of course it effects your confidence, especially when people remark on it and you are a sensitive young man trying to get on in the world, at times I really didn't want to be in certain environments, large gatherings where we are unable to move around were the worst, if possible I would sit where I could not be noticed. I eventually paid for some laser treatment when I was in my 20s, this helped the situation to some degree, it has gradually got better over the years and I have learned to deal with situations much better. During these years, I never spoke to anyone about how I felt, not even my parents until I went to the laser clinic. This is not a sob story just a little incite into my situation.

[RufusBrevettatemyhamster]

I have no qualifications when it comes to mental health, but I do find having a focus other than going through the motions of everyday life, very helpful.   I work on my own all the time, sometimes I may only speak to a couple of people a week in the work environment, I am lucky though as unlike many I have a wife and late teenagers at home to communicate with every day.                                       This may not be a rocket science cure for mental health but I try to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, when I have a couple of hours or more I walk 7-10 miles. It's amazing how much better you feel after a long walk, whether it be in the middle of a city or middle of the countryside, you notice so much more when you're not actually walking to get somewhere. The best thing for me is it just gives you time to sort things through in your head and the added bonus is it keeps you physically fit, which also helps with mental health.
I know of other people who volunteer with various organisations throughout their local community, they really do make some good friends and have a thoroughly sociable time, another couple of friends who cycle with a a larger group at least once a week seems to be their escape from nothingness.                                                                                                                                                           I had a good friend who took his own life about 8 years ago, once the life and soul of any social situation, very good looking, everybody loved this guy. At around the time we all began to settle down with families kids etc, he began to cut himself off from everyone, wouldn't come out anymore, Friends and myself would call him, go around to his house but mainly there was no response, we later found out he had given up work. A group of us now all have a slight sense of guilt that we could have done more , but what?                 Mental health is a complex and varied area with many different causes, it affects not only those with the condition, but also those around them.                                                                                                                                                                           
The only thing I know for sure, is that talking through how you feel and what is effecting you will help start the process of recovery, and if you can reach out and talk to someone who may be suffering, you may just be able to help them as well.

Having a focus and exercise without doubt help, but when you're in the middle of an episode there is nothing that motivates you to do anything.

Hi Rufus, I did suffer in my late teens and early 20s, not on any scale like most episodes that are recognisable to most on here, very much all in my own mind and no chemical imbalance.                                                                                                    My point was more about acting in some way before it would ever get to that major episode, once you are in that place most reasoning has gone. It may seem like nothing much but I had a mild birth mark, caused by blood vessels being close to the surface of my skin, it was on my ear, jaw line and neck on one side of my face, some may know it as a  (port wine stain) very red and very noticeable when hot. If I came in from the cold it would give me a mild burning sensation which I would imagine everyone was staring at me, at school kids were nasty as they will be. Of course it effects your confidence, especially when people remark on it and you are a sensitive young man trying to get on in the world, at times I really didn't want to be in certain environments, large gatherings where we are unable to move around were the worst, if possible I would sit where I could not be noticed. I eventually paid for some laser treatment when I was in my 20s, this helped the situation to some degree, it has gradually got better over the years and I have learned to deal with situations much better. During these years, I never spoke to anyone about how I felt, not even my parents until I went to the laser clinic. This is not a sob story just a little incite into my situation.

Apologies if it came across and me belittling what you were saying. That wasn't the case.
When I split from my ex wife, I was in a dark place. I'd already had issues which had been managed, but that sent me spiralling. I wasn't aware how bad I was, until I look back. And that is what I meant by not being able to do anything.
If I'm honest, one if my greatest achievements in life, is getting through that period. I dont take pills anymore and haven't been to counselling for a while (not saying I won't need it again, just can manage at the moment). I still have low days, bur I've got enough mechanisms in place to get through them.

It doesn't help when fulhams form starts to dip either 🤣🤣

[FFCFOREVER]

I have no qualifications when it comes to mental health, but I do find having a focus other than going through the motions of everyday life, very helpful.   I work on my own all the time, sometimes I may only speak to a couple of people a week in the work environment, I am lucky though as unlike many I have a wife and late teenagers at home to communicate with every day.                                       This may not be a rocket science cure for mental health but I try to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, when I have a couple of hours or more I walk 7-10 miles. It's amazing how much better you feel after a long walk, whether it be in the middle of a city or middle of the countryside, you notice so much more when you're not actually walking to get somewhere. The best thing for me is it just gives you time to sort things through in your head and the added bonus is it keeps you physically fit, which also helps with mental health.
I know of other people who volunteer with various organisations throughout their local community, they really do make some good friends and have a thoroughly sociable time, another couple of friends who cycle with a a larger group at least once a week seems to be their escape from nothingness.                                                                                                                                                           I had a good friend who took his own life about 8 years ago, once the life and soul of any social situation, very good looking, everybody loved this guy. At around the time we all began to settle down with families kids etc, he began to cut himself off from everyone, wouldn't come out anymore, Friends and myself would call him, go around to his house but mainly there was no response, we later found out he had given up work. A group of us now all have a slight sense of guilt that we could have done more , but what?                 Mental health is a complex and varied area with many different causes, it affects not only those with the condition, but also those around them.                                                                                                                                                                           
The only thing I know for sure, is that talking through how you feel and what is effecting you will help start the process of recovery, and if you can reach out and talk to someone who may be suffering, you may just be able to help them as well.

Having a focus and exercise without doubt help, but when you're in the middle of an episode there is nothing that motivates you to do anything.

Hi Rufus, I did suffer in my late teens and early 20s, not on any scale like most episodes that are recognisable to most on here, very much all in my own mind and no chemical imbalance.                                                                                                    My point was more about acting in some way before it would ever get to that major episode, once you are in that place most reasoning has gone. It may seem like nothing much but I had a mild birth mark, caused by blood vessels being close to the surface of my skin, it was on my ear, jaw line and neck on one side of my face, some may know it as a  (port wine stain) very red and very noticeable when hot. If I came in from the cold it would give me a mild burning sensation which I would imagine everyone was staring at me, at school kids were nasty as they will be. Of course it effects your confidence, especially when people remark on it and you are a sensitive young man trying to get on in the world, at times I really didn't want to be in certain environments, large gatherings where we are unable to move around were the worst, if possible I would sit where I could not be noticed. I eventually paid for some laser treatment when I was in my 20s, this helped the situation to some degree, it has gradually got better over the years and I have learned to deal with situations much better. During these years, I never spoke to anyone about how I felt, not even my parents until I went to the laser clinic. This is not a sob story just a little incite into my situation.

Apologies if it came across and me belittling what you were saying. That wasn't the case.
When I split from my ex wife, I was in a dark place. I'd already had issues which had been managed, but that sent me spiralling. I wasn't aware how bad I was, until I look back. And that is what I meant by not being able to do anything.
If I'm honest, one if my greatest achievements in life, is getting through that period. I dont take pills anymore and haven't been to counselling for a while (not saying I won't need it again, just can manage at the moment). I still have low days, bur I've got enough mechanisms in place to get through them.

It doesn't help when fulhams form starts to dip either 🤣🤣

That 2nd paragraph about how it is an achievement in itself to get through that dark period is so,so true. I did not realise it at the time and spent most of the dark times questioning why and how I feel the way I do and feel somewhat weak and worthless. This could not be further from the truth and in actual fact I  feel mentally stronger than I have for years but still have the odd battle with my mind . Myself and my family and friends living and being healthy is what really matters but it is so easy to get caught up in everyday life. We all just need to breathe a little and realise whats important. Easier said than done though.