NFR - Life and mental health

[Twig]

That's all you can do twig. People have to live their own life and being in a place where you can listen and offer support is the most important thing. Good luck

Thanks Andy. It's so frustrating as I just want to "put things right". But it's not about chucking my money around or sorting out some third party (these are things I'm good at). It's about offering support and just being there, as you rightly say, (things I'm not quite so good at!).

[Twig]

One of my daughters suffers from depression fronted to time. It was triggered by one particular event but although that is well in the past the scars linger. My difficulty (and I suspect that of a lot of other guys) is that I want to fix her issues for her. I want to "put things right". I have come to learn that it's rarely possible but having the patience to stay sympathetic and supportive of someone whose sufferings last years rather than weeks or months requires a certain mindset - it's not easy.

You don't need to be there all day every day, but her knowing you're there is more than enough. Checking in a couple of times a week, can make a hell of a lot of difference.

Thanks mate, this thread makes me feel quite emotional when I read the posts. It's also a huge credit to the Fulham family that we can chat about an issue like this on a football supporters site.

[blingo]

One of my daughters suffers from depression fronted to time. It was triggered by one particular event but although that is well in the past the scars linger. My difficulty (and I suspect that of a lot of other guys) is that I want to fix her issues for her. I want to "put things right". I have come to learn that it's rarely possible but having the patience to stay sympathetic and supportive of someone whose sufferings last years rather than weeks or months requires a certain mindset - it's not easy.

You don't need to be there all day every day, but her knowing you're there is more than enough. Checking in a couple of times a week, can make a hell of a lot of difference.

Thanks mate, this thread makes me feel quite emotional when I read the posts. It's also a huge credit to the Fulham family that we can chat about an issue like this on a football supporters site.

Why do I get the feeling that you are far more supportive than you believe you are Mr Twig.

[blingo]

If we can help someone along life's many ups and downs, I think it's right that we do, as long as its without detriment to ourselves or our own. It will be 6 years since I lost my wife on the 3rd of Feb after a four year battle with cancer. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, other than my two sons for months. I found it seriously hard, but somehow you get through it. On reflection, I should probably have gone to a psychologist, but like a lot of guys from my generation and older, it was a bite your lip and man up time for me. As you all know, you never forget, but life has to go on. The only thing I would say, is talk to someone and don't be afraid to accept or seek help. It's there if you look for it and you will find that not only does it make life easier, but also helps you to realise that you really are not alone. It makes no difference if it's bereavement, depression or a multitude of other reasons behind your problem. Be strong enough to seek help and take that first step. It just might change your life for the better.
Whatever or whoever has a problem on here, Blingo is someone you can chat to, if you feel the need. May your God bless you and yours and again, don't bottle it all up, you'll be surprised just how much reaching out for the first time can help you.

[FFCFOREVER]

If we can help someone along life's many ups and downs, I think it's right that we do, as long as its without detriment to ourselves or our own. It will be 6 years since I lost my wife on the 3rd of Feb after a four year battle with cancer. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, other than my two sons for months. I found it seriously hard, but somehow you get through it. On reflection, I should probably have gone to a psychologist, but like a lot of guys from my generation and older, it was a bite your lip and man up time for me. As you all know, you never forget, but life has to go on. The only thing I would say, is talk to someone and don't be afraid to accept or seek help. It's there if you look for it and you will find that not only does it make life easier, but also helps you to realise that you really are not alone. It makes no difference if it's bereavement, depression or a multitude of other reasons behind your problem. Be strong enough to seek help and take that first step. It just might change your life for the better.
Whatever or whoever has a problem on here, Blingo is someone you can chat to, if you feel the need. May your God bless you and yours and again, don't bottle it all up, you'll be surprised just how much reaching out for the first time can help you.

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And sorry for your loss

[RufusBrevettatemyhamster]

I have no qualifications when it comes to mental health, but I do find having a focus other than going through the motions of everyday life, very helpful.   I work on my own all the time, sometimes I may only speak to a couple of people a week in the work environment, I am lucky though as unlike many I have a wife and late teenagers at home to communicate with every day.                                       This may not be a rocket science cure for mental health but I try to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, when I have a couple of hours or more I walk 7-10 miles. It's amazing how much better you feel after a long walk, whether it be in the middle of a city or middle of the countryside, you notice so much more when you're not actually walking to get somewhere. The best thing for me is it just gives you time to sort things through in your head and the added bonus is it keeps you physically fit, which also helps with mental health.
I know of other people who volunteer with various organisations throughout their local community, they really do make some good friends and have a thoroughly sociable time, another couple of friends who cycle with a a larger group at least once a week seems to be their escape from nothingness.                                                                                                                                                           I had a good friend who took his own life about 8 years ago, once the life and soul of any social situation, very good looking, everybody loved this guy. At around the time we all began to settle down with families kids etc, he began to cut himself off from everyone, wouldn't come out anymore, Friends and myself would call him, go around to his house but mainly there was no response, we later found out he had given up work. A group of us now all have a slight sense of guilt that we could have done more , but what?                 Mental health is a complex and varied area with many different causes, it affects not only those with the condition, but also those around them.                                                                                                                                                                           
The only thing I know for sure, is that talking through how you feel and what is effecting you will help start the process of recovery, and if you can reach out and talk to someone who may be suffering, you may just be able to help them as well.

Having a focus and exercise without doubt help, but when you're in the middle of an episode there is nothing that motivates you to do anything.

Hi Rufus, I did suffer in my late teens and early 20s, not on any scale like most episodes that are recognisable to most on here, very much all in my own mind and no chemical imbalance.                                                                                                    My point was more about acting in some way before it would ever get to that major episode, once you are in that place most reasoning has gone. It may seem like nothing much but I had a mild birth mark, caused by blood vessels being close to the surface of my skin, it was on my ear, jaw line and neck on one side of my face, some may know it as a  (port wine stain) very red and very noticeable when hot. If I came in from the cold it would give me a mild burning sensation which I would imagine everyone was staring at me, at school kids were nasty as they will be. Of course it effects your confidence, especially when people remark on it and you are a sensitive young man trying to get on in the world, at times I really didn't want to be in certain environments, large gatherings where we are unable to move around were the worst, if possible I would sit where I could not be noticed. I eventually paid for some laser treatment when I was in my 20s, this helped the situation to some degree, it has gradually got better over the years and I have learned to deal with situations much better. During these years, I never spoke to anyone about how I felt, not even my parents until I went to the laser clinic. This is not a sob story just a little incite into my situation.

Apologies if it came across and me belittling what you were saying. That wasn't the case.
When I split from my ex wife, I was in a dark place. I'd already had issues which had been managed, but that sent me spiralling. I wasn't aware how bad I was, until I look back. And that is what I meant by not being able to do anything.
If I'm honest, one if my greatest achievements in life, is getting through that period. I dont take pills anymore and haven't been to counselling for a while (not saying I won't need it again, just can manage at the moment). I still have low days, bur I've got enough mechanisms in place to get through them.

It doesn't help when fulhams form starts to dip either 🤣🤣

That 2nd paragraph about how it is an achievement in itself to get through that dark period is so,so true. I did not realise it at the time and spent most of the dark times questioning why and how I feel the way I do and feel somewhat weak and worthless. This could not be further from the truth and in actual fact I  feel mentally stronger than I have for years but still have the odd battle with my mind . Myself and my family and friends living and being healthy is what really matters but it is so easy to get caught up in everyday life. We all just need to breathe a little and realise whats important. Easier said than done though.

Glad you're through the worst of it mate. Keep it up, you're stronger than you think.

[Lighthouse]

The hardest thing anybody will ever do. Is ask for help if they need it. Too often people will hide behind the past or jokes or be the life and soul of the party or just sit in the corner and be the one everybody ignores.

Hang on and pluck up the courage to talk and if needs be ask for help.

[Jims Dentist]

Good thread. Very relevant for a number of years now, though not only restricted to blokes, there are some stats that indicate that guys do have higher degree of mental and substance disorders than the gentle sex.

For some of us in the IT world we were somewhat doubly lucky, as I was used to working from home previously (4 years remotely) and as such my job (and livelihood) were not at as much risk as some other professions. That's not gloating, it's recognition that there are a lot of people out there who were greatly impacted by the situation over the past couple of years, and those blokes that were affected, by all accounts, were less likely to ask others for help or talk it out with others. I made a point of chatting with my sons in that time more frequently than I normally do, perhaps for my own sanity as well as theirs.

Glad to hear you've got someone to reach out to. Talking is important. I've suffered from mental health issues in the past (don't think you ever full get over it, just learn to live with it) and know how important talking is. Even over a pint with mates and putting the world to rights can be enough.

Very true Rufus, you never really get over it and it can easily be set off again.