Old Sod's Army-VAR to Ref

[bog]

VAR: Are you aware of what you have just done?
Ref: No.
VAR: Broken a cardinal sin.
Ref: Have I? I only gave a penalty to Fulham.
VAR: Yes but who against?
Ref: Oh sodding hell!
VAR: Yes and at Old Trafford, and at the Stretford End! What were you thinking of? 
Ref: Dear oh dear.
VAR: Well we know that Mitrovoice went round DeGea like he was set in concrete, then he was a foot from the line and about the trundle the ball home when Phil Jones came thundering in and poleaxed his opponent before clearing the ball in a truly sensational MOTM manner.
Ref: Yeah.
VAR: Well Phil being a bit rusty slightly mistimed his assault and if Mitrovoice wasn't there Phil would not have done this. Right?
Ref: Yeah.
VAR: So, we have deliberated that it is Mitrovoice's fault by way of instigation. Phil's challenge would not have taken place if his opponent had not had the temerity to be in such a provocative position at the home of the biggest club in the world.
Ref: That's quite right.
VAR: Of course it is you dim wit! So go to the pitch side monitor and study the footage with a very serious expression. (on your face) While your there there is a tasty looking blonde sat in the front row worth a wink.
Ref: Is there!
VAR: After three minute we will flash it up on the screen. Our favored decision not the blonde, we will say 'no penalty due to player instigation'. Then you signal a free kick to United and it all ends well for United.  You will get such a cheer from the home fans. Then you will send off this Mitrovoice for inciting annoyance in a grand scale in a public place. Job done! Problem over!
Ref: Thanks for getting me out of the thick brown stuff.

I was bored and still not over that last result.... :016: :022: :010:

Thank you and good night.

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[jarv]

Excellent. Sums up var perfectly.

[filham]

Great writing, can't wait to see the film.

But now it is time to forget the West Ham story and concentrate on the Bournmouth saga. A more important match for us and one where we need to score a couple of goals and leave no room for bad luck to topple us.