I RARELY POST A JOKE BUT I LIKED THIS .. COULD BE ME AT 78 ..

[SHADY1]

a woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

she spends £15.000 and feels pretty good about the results.
on her way home, she stops at a paper shop to buy a newspaper.
before leaving, she asks the counter girl " i hope you dont mind my asking, but how old do you think i am"...about 32, is the reply...

"NOPE" im im exactly 50, the woman says happily.

a little while later, the woman goes in to morrisons, and asks the counter girl the same question.

the girl replies" about 29 id say"

woman replies with a big smile " nope,im 50"

now shes feeling really good about herself, she stops at a chemists to buy some toothepaste down the street, and asks the counter girl the same burning question,

girl replies" oh, id say 30"

again, she proudly responds, " im 50, but thank you very much"

while waiting for the bus, to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

he replies " lady,im 78, my eyesights going, although when i was young there was a surefire way to tell how old a woman was".
" it sounds forward, but it requires me to put my hand under your bra", then, and only then, i can tell you EXACTLY how old you are"

they wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her.
she finally blurts out...

" what the hell, go ahead".

he slips both his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully....
he bounces and weighs each breast and pushes her breasts together and rubs them against eachother....

after a couple of minutes of this, she says " okay, okay, how old am i"

he completes one last squeeze, removes his hands and says " madam, you are 50".

stunned and amazed, the woman says " thats incredible, how could you tell"?

old man says, " promise you wont get upset"?

woman says "yes, i promise"

man replies" i was behind you at morrisons"

[cutbushcitylimits]

Teacher asks class "if there are 5 crows on a fence and the farmer shoots one....how many are left?"

Little johnny "none miss cause if the farmer shot one the others would fly away",

"no johnny" said the teacher"the correct answer is 4.but i like the way you think".

"can i ask you a question?" asks johnny

"of course" replied the teacher

"well miss if there are 3 woman sitting on a wall.each with an ice cream in there hand..one is licking it.one is eating it and one is sucking it.,,,,,,,which one is married?"

"i dont know" replies the teacher "i guess the one thats sucking it?"


"No miss" replies johnny"its the one wearing a wedding ring........but i like the way you think"!!!!