Who says suicide is painless... its not for those who are left !!

[The Bronsons]

I've tried to add something to this thread loads of times but everything I write seems inadequate. There are some top, tough, wonderful people here.  065.gif

[epsomraver]

I've tried to add something to this thread loads of times but everything I write seems inadequate. There are some top, tough, wonderful people here.  065.gif

Amen to that

[Jimpav]

The events of the last few days and indeed this thread have stirred up a few memories, hence this post.

My cousin topped himself at the tender age of 20. I was 16 at the time and now at the age of 31 I can remember more years without him as as I can with him.

It's easy to say this when people die but he was a genuinely good guy and a very caring person who dedicated his life to our grandparents (his own dad wasn't around so he spent almost all of his time with them) and was always someone myself and my two brothers looked up to.

I'm still not sure if he meant to go through with it or if it was a cry for help. He had parked his car in a lane within spitting distance of our grandparents home (They ran a transport cafe), perhaps in the hope that they would find him. My Granddad did not find him until the morning but unfortunately his body was being taken away in an ambulance by that point. Our Granddad seemed to age overnight and was never really the same since - he lost a Son and a Grandson that day.

I did not feel anger or resentment but I did feel a lot of confusion and hurt. The pain and grief eventually subsided but his memory has not faded. I had a dream a few years ago in which I spoke to him. That gave me some sort of peace and a feeling that I could move on.

My only wish would be that I could go back in time and talk to him and tell him what I know now that I didn't know before. Even if I couldn't I just wish that he had been able to talk to someone with more experience who would be able to tell him that no matter how poo life seems at that one moment there is always a chink of light and with some love and support there is also hope.

I don't think he was depressed, I think he felt hurt and scared. Please, please don't ever feel you are alone if you find yourself in a similar situation.

[LRCN]

for what it's worth i'm sorry to read about that shady

i don't think suicide is a selfish act... maybe indirectly but it is not intended. of course, those friends and loved ones left behind will be left with alot of pain to deal with, and i won't begin to put myself in their shoes. but those that commit suicide, it is totally rational. which is the saddest thing about it, i think. i don't suffer from depression or have had suicidal thoughts but i have two people close to me that do. one of them is now treatment resistant aka she won't help herself or let others help her. but if she was to decend to the point where she would commit suicide (and i must stress that is a pretty big leap from where she's at now, i think) i would never hold it against her.

[SHADY1]

Something I will add after reading with great interest...
When something happens like this or you are feeling the way many are ...It's often the closest to you ... your best friends who appear to turn their backs and don't really help at all and slowly vanish on you... I learn't its they don't know how to deal with it either and i lost some very good friends over it... luckily I have made even better ones...
Thats probably why this threads become so open and honest...its often easier to talk to strangers which is why you should never look at a counciller as a shrink or defeatest ... they will listen and help you sort out putting things in perspective, helping in my case shift the blame away and help me understand nothing that happened was my fault... I have since had 3 or 4 very very serious situations come up in my life that anyone could have pushed me "over the edge" if I hadn't seen and felt the hurt my father caused everyone maybe I would have at some point... not an idle threat as i believe depression does run in families and you are never that far away from the edge its learning when and how to step back from it...

[Ron Sheepskin]

I've tried to add something to this thread loads of times but everything I write seems inadequate. There are some top, tough, wonderful people here.  065.gif

+1

And this type of mature, honest and open thread is the reason that people move here from the offal.  065.gif

[luckykat]

I've tried to add something to this thread loads of times but everything I write seems inadequate. There are some top, tough, wonderful people here.  065.gif

+1

And this type of mature, honest and open thread is the reason that people move here from the offal.  065.gif

An amazing thread. I am fortunate that I have not experienced depression. Very best wishes to those here who are fighting that demon.

[SHADY1]

 :medal:

[LBNo11]

...I have not been on for a while and had not picked up on this thread, and it has been an amazing read, and quite cathartic. My father was a manic depressive and my mother was diagnosed as being clinically depressed in her last 10 odd years of her life. I am not exactly sure of the difference other than a manic depressive has major mood swings between elation and utter despondency, and being clinically depressed can mean you don't care if you live or die.

Probably explains a lot.

Neither of them committed suicide, but my mother gave up on life, not sure if that is the same thing, it just took her longer to die.

Thank you everyone who contributed and dealt with the subject in an appropriate manner, including the touches of humour, we all need that to keep going...

[Lighthouse]

A friend of mine who suffered some form of this horrible decease said that he would never think of killing himself. But did say he was living the longest suicide note in history. Which I thought just about explained that type of illness.

[epsomraver]

Be a real shock if it comes out that Speed did not suffer from depression, none of his closest friends have seen the slightest signs of it with him.

[richie17]

But would you notice anyway?  Reading this and similar threads, it's extraordinary how many people these things touch.  To look and speak to people you just wouldn't know they had anything of the sort happening in their lives, which is part of what makes it all so tricky: people get so adept at hiding it.   

Kay Redfield Jamieson's "An unquiet mind" is a really good read on the subject, incidentally. 

[King_Crud]

Be a real shock if it comes out that Speed did not suffer from depression, none of his closest friends have seen the slightest signs of it with him.

No one I know would ever expect I have it. I go out socially all the time, always cheery. Not everyone locks themselves in a room crying. This is the only place I can be open about it, because no one knows me.

[epsomraver]

Totally understand .

[ClarksOriginal]

Be a real shock if it comes out that Speed did not suffer from depression, none of his closest friends have seen the slightest signs of it with him.

No one I know would ever expect I have it. I go out socially all the time, always cheery. Not everyone locks themselves in a room crying. This is the only place I can be open about it, because no one knows me.

Aye Mr King, this applies for me too. I heard a saying a few years ago 'more faces than Big Ben' this suits me, not because my name is Ben, but because I really cover up any feeling of depression or sad emotion I have. I think being a 'man' means that you shouldn't show any chinks in your armour.

I'm comfortable expressing to you guys on here because, even though I don't know you guys, we are on this thread, even the messageboard for the same thing. It makes me trust you guys.

Plus you are a wonderful lot.

[White Noise]

Having spoken to psychiatrists and counsellors it is clear that the sum of unseen human misery and suffering is huge.  In particular, two World Wars did untold damage to the mental health of millions in this country and they and their offspring still pay a high price. As parents all we can hope to do is break that chain of inherited misery and teach our children to never judge anyone, because you never know what their life has consisted of and what they are going through.  

So the next time you cheerfully tell a complete stranger to "cheer up mate, it might never happen" just stop yourself and consider the possibility that it probably already has.

[TonyGilroy]

What's to be cheerful about.

You deal as best you can with all the problems and stresses life throws at you, grow old and die.

The only chink of light for me is that I'm not depressed.

[King_Crud]

life's a bitch and then you marry one

[Banstead White]

Baldrick

That echoes what I came to realise when I had kids.

The world is divided into 2 types of people and it's not male/female or old/young or rich/poor or black/white or anything other than those who have parental responsibilities and those who don't.

Whatever may happen, my kids are much more important to me than I am and I think most parents feel the same.

The Gary Speed thing is obviously sad and I'm as curious as anyone but I have to say that all the speculation, however well intentioned, is distasteful.

Surely you are not suggesting that those who have taken their own lives as a consequence of depression do not take their responsibilites for their own children seriously?? The feeling of responsibility can sometimes be the pre curser to a depressive state. I have every sympathy for those left behind in such circumstances but in the case of a depressive disease everything that seems logical, normally isnt....No offence.

[Banstead White]

I'll throw my hand up. I've been diagnosed with bi polar and depression, about 2 years ago. It sucks. Theres not much else to it. I lost someone I love very much because I couldn't handle my actions or thought patterns when at my lowest points. It's not so easy as to just 'figure yourself out' or 'be prepared', sometimes I have done things and said things that I look back at later and am disgusted with myself. I was very lucky that this very important person put my mental health before her own needs, and was by my side through the darkest of days, and in fairness, she got out before she got totally consumed by it all. I cant blame her.

It takes a lot of hard work, and a lot of effort to learn to live with it. And until you can find your feet and come to terms with the fact that it IS a disease, and its not YOUR fault, then you can move towards living WITH it, rather than trying to eradicate it, or feeling as if you're different because of it.

Now, that girl and I are working hard at that second shot. I have never touched medication, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it without it, and despite moments of madness, I feel like I have a handle on it all.

Unfortunately for some, if they don't have amazing support, they feel like the truly are a let down to the ones they love. And we all know how crippling that can be. Unfortunately, the logic doesnt always add up, and while it's absurd to think those who love us wont be affected, in moments of true darkness, its not hard to feel as if you are actually a burden to those around you. It sounds dumb right now, but I cant count on my fingers and toes the amount of times I have gone through this.

RIP, Gary Speed. Hopefully his story will encourage others to open up to their loved ones, it's the only way. Even this thread is a form of therapy within itself, and as both a depression sufferer and a Psychology student, I can only commend the bravery of those posting about their conditions and their stories in front of friends. It's not easy.

Well written piece and so honest. All the best with the second go...Thanks