Journalists Guide to Criticising Hodgson's Squad Selection‏

[Jambo]

Guide To Criticising Hodgson's Squad Selection
Captain: if someone who has been captain before, "predictable". If not, "wrong".

Average age of squad over 26: too old, over-reliance on the failed so-called "golden generation".

Average age of squad under 26: inexperienced/ruining our chances for the Olympics (I forget whether we care about this or not).

Goalkeepers:
Joe Hart: obvious choice and deserves no credit.
Rob Green: plays for a championship club. Only selected due to failure to persuade anyone else out of retirement, ergo poor man-management.
Ben Foster: nepotism.

Right back:
Failure to take all of Micah Richards, Glen Johnson, Kyle Walker, Phil Jones and Chris Smalling constitutes a decision, and therefore automatically a risky/wrong one.

Left back:
Ashley Cole: obvious, deserves no credit.
If a back-up is selected: unnecessary, waste of a squad place (cf. Stephen Warnock). If not: short-sighted.

Centre back:
Failure to persuade Rio and Terry to play together is poor man-management. Success is "too risky".

Central Midfield:
Gerrard: make reference to Hodgson's time at Liverpool and cast doubt on ability to get a performance out of him.
Lampard: too similar to Gerrard. If not picked, make unflattering AVB comparisons.
Scott Parker: would certainly perform better if 'Arry was manager
Carrick/Barry: boring.
Scholes: if picked, desperate. If not picked, a missed opportunity
Anyone else: an unknown quantity.

Wings:
Joe Cole: if not picked, point out that he has been playing brilliantly in France. If picked, point out that he has been rubbish in France. No-one will bother to check either way.
Ashley Young: if picked, diver that will not fool continental referees, therefore a waste of space. If not picked, point to past goalscoring form and ability to win penalties.
Adam Johnson: if picked, has hardly played for Man City this season. If not picked, has hardly played for Man City this season and would have bought much-needed freshness to the squad.
Walcott: if picked, has only ever performed that one time against Croatia. If not picked, performed that one time against Croatia.
Stewart Downing: if picked, 0 goals 0 assists. If not picked, bemoan lack of natural left-footers in the squad.
Anyone who plays for Swansea: if picked, they play for Swansea, a small club. If not, harshly overlooked.

Strikers:
Rooney: if picked, waste of a squad place. We'll be out after 2 games anyway. If not picked, have "ROO-DICULOUS!!!" headlines on standby.
Andy Carroll: if picked, has been rubbish all season. If not, has been brilliant for the last two games.
Defoe: if picked, has not played all season. If not, gifted finisher, adds freshness to the squad, 'Arry would have picked him.
Crouch: if picked, exposes England's dearth of strikers. If not, think of the wonder-goal.
Sturridge/Welbeck: if picked, inexperienced. If not, robbing the future of English football of valuable tournament experience.

For tabloid journalists, this is a handy cut-out-and keep style guide. For anyone else, combine this with a copy of next Wednesday's Sun to form a potentially lethal drinking game.

[The Bronsons]

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[MJG]

Might email this to Mr Samuel although I suspect he has written this type already and passed it around the west ham press mafia.

[cebu]

Very nice piece of work, Jambo - and so realistic!   :54:

[Jimbobob]

 take a bow 065.gif take a bow

Excellent job!!! - Real damn shame they will not just give Roy a chance. I think everyone "should" know he doesn't have a lot of options. If the players would listen he will coach them up... and they could over achieve...

[leonffc]

Spot on!!

[PokerMatt]

Absolutely top drawer. Well done sir.

And I suspect more truth in it than joke!

[Fulham1959]

Just love the Joe Cole comments !!

[HatterDon]

some of the best writing and the most insightful analysis I've read here or anywhere!  065.gif

[valdeingruo]

Add Grant Holt

If picked he is a one season wonder and won't make it (plus whatever hatter don feels on the subject) and if not he had an amazing season with Norwich.

[HatterDon]

Add Grant Holt

If picked he is a one season wonder and won't make it (plus whatever hatter don feels on the subject) and if not he had an amazing season with Norwich.

I was going to mention Holt in response to "Is Dembele the most overrated player in the Prem," but decided to give the lad a rest.

[valdeingruo]

Add Grant Holt

If picked he is a one season wonder and won't make it (plus whatever hatter don feels on the subject) and if not he had an amazing season with Norwich.

I was going to mention Holt in response to "Is Dembele the most overrated player in the Prem," but decided to give the lad a rest.

You've been merciless with the guy.

[LBNo11]

...excellent reading Jambo, many a true word spoken in jest, and I'm sure there is a tabloid journalist somewhere who will unwittingly reproduce much of your guide/template...

[The Equalizer]

I'd get that off to the papers and earn some spondoolix from it!

Might be worth adding a line about David Stockdale though, and maybe Danny Murphy.

yee-haw!