Fantasy summer transfer window game (if promoted)

[dannyboi-ffc]

01/06/17- meeting with Khan

Congratulations, after our recent 10v0 triumph at Wembley with 10 successful penalty conversions, the club have decided to appoint a new head of recruitment.....YOU! Kline is gone, Ali Mac is gone, Tony Khan is gone. It all rests on your shoulders to sign the players required to keep us up. Here is a budget of 50million to spend on transfer fees plus any money made on outgoings, this does not include the necessary wages. You are aware of the system/ philosophy Joka is building here and we'd like you to consider this when making your decisions.

............. 01/09/17- Window slams shut

What business have you done and why?

Here's mine

Vorm- 2million- Currently a backup keeper for a London club so might be keen on being a number one without having to disrupt the family, used to the way we play out from the back from his Swansea days.

Kalas- 7million- if we go up I think its a no brainer for both parties as he wont play for Chelsea

Nathan Ake- 13m was keen on joining Bournemouth, in the summer Chelsea will strengthen and they may be tempted to sell. Plays on the left.....see ya later Ream....

Callum Chambers- loan- just to add more quality at the back, plays for a footballing parent club in Arsenal

Christian Fuchs- 3.5m-if Leicester go down.

James McCarthur- 4million- would be good competition for the midfield trio

Forestieri- 10.5m-suit us in several positions

Loic Remy- 7million in demand as he once was but still a quality player who could play anywhere in the current front 3

Defoe- 4million- guarantees goals with minimal chances- lure of a return to London and a side with few strikers to threaten his chances of games the same as Sunderland

That's 9 players for approx 50 million.

[Carborundum]

Good players there Danny.  I'll add one to the list.  Tom Ince.  Wants to play at the top level and seems pretty handy to me.  Current club might not like our approach, but he could agitate for a move.  Might mess up their pre-season, but I'm sure their manager would understand.

[@jolslover]

Good idea for a thread. Hard to pluck some names out. Would like Remy though. Would like Ulloa. Would like Rob Holding (loan) or Maguire (Perm if Hull go down) to partner Kalas who we should buy.

[HeinekenFFC]

Lionel Messi - couple million or so. Heard he can do a good job up front.

Luis Suarez - maybe 4mil? Some overrated Uruguayan. Got a bit of an attitude on him.

Neymar - Brazilian Justin Bieber wannabe. Should cost us maybe 6mil? Heard he can do one of them Rabonadaldo tricks.

Thiago Silva - Again, another shitty Brazilian. Heard he's a big fan of the Golden Lion.

What, you did say fantasy?

[nose]

We wil not go up
The owner wil not be investing wisely
Sorry can't play a game  like this whilst the stay away owner shows no interest

Can hardly wait for the pictures from his next visit to motspur.... in time for an inane piece of fiction prior to announcing season ticket prices and saying how he will back the manager    and then not do anything of the sort.

[davew]

Danny you sound a little bit angry tonight, I might have to lock this thread! Before I do though, I will finish off reading your comment!

[davew]

Agree with you Nose, but Danny is showing he is not just a hatchet man moderator, I like his sense of humour and sarcasm, but the thread is bordering on being locked!!! Suggesting that the owner spends some money will not only get the thread locked it will probably result in this site being abolished!

[@jolslover]

We wil not go up
The owner wil not be investing wisely
Sorry can't play a game  like this whilst the stay away owner shows no interest

Can hardly wait for the pictures from his next visit to motspur.... in time for an inane piece of fiction prior to announcing season ticket prices and saying how he will back the manager    and then not do anything of the sort.

He has backed Slavisa. I hate this myth that he didn't. It's just boring. Lets looks at the clubs and how much they spent. I dont understand what you are expecting Khan to do?.
3 of the 4 teams that spent more than us were just relegated and the other has one of the top 4 richest owners in England.

Aston Villa (63mill)
Newcastle (55mill)
Wolves (30mill)
Norwich (23mill)
Fulham (22mill)
Derby (15mill)
QPR (13mill)
Wednesday and Bristol City (11mill)
Brighton (10mill)
Leeds and Reading (9mill)
Birmingham (8mill)
Cardiff (6mill)
Forest and Huddersfield (5mill)
Brentford (4mill)
Wigan (3mill)
Rotherham and Barnsley (2mill)
Ipswich (1.5mill)
Preston (1.2mill)
Burton (800k)
Blackburn (250k)

[dannyboi-ffc]

Good players there Danny.  I'll add one to the list.  Tom Ince.  Wants to play at the top level and seems pretty handy to me.  Current club might not like our approach, but he could agitate for a move.  Might mess up their pre-season, but I'm sure their manager would understand.

Maybe Joka should start referring to him as Tommy as sarcasm for Chrissy.

Ince is a good player but he's always appeared to be a bit of a knob to me. Bit up himself with an attitude but I don't know him from Adam, it's just the perception I've always had of him.

[dannyboi-ffc]

Come on lads it's only a bit of fun. Nose, how about Mitroglou for 12million?

[dannyboi-ffc]

Danny you sound a little bit angry tonight, I might have to lock this thread! Before I do though, I will finish off reading your comment!

Agree with you Nose, but Danny is showing he is not just a hatchet man moderator, I like his sense of humour and sarcasm, but the thread is bordering on being locked!!! Suggesting that the owner spends some money will not only get the thread locked it will probably result in this site being abolished!

What the first post mean? I haven't locked anything for ages and if anyone locks my threads I expect a pm with an explanation.

Let's keep this professional........

To the 2nd post I try to have a sense of humour. Not everyone gets it but the intention is there. And no I'm not angry, not yet anyway lol.

I'll let ya know Wednesday night

[Lighthouse]

We wil not go up
The owner wil not be investing wisely
Sorry can't play a game  like this whilst the stay away owner shows no interest

Can hardly wait for the pictures from his next visit to motspur.... in time for an inane piece of fiction prior to announcing season ticket prices and saying how he will back the manager    and then not do anything of the sort.

He has backed Slavisa. I hate this myth that he didn't. It's just boring. Lets looks at the clubs and how much they spent. I dont understand what you are expecting Khan to do?.
3 of the 4 teams that spent more than us were just relegated and the other has one of the top 4 richest owners in England.

Aston Villa (63mill)
Newcastle (55mill)
Wolves (30mill)
Norwich (23mill)
Fulham (22mill)
Derby (15mill)
QPR (13mill)
Wednesday and Bristol City (11mill)
Brighton (10mill)
Leeds and Reading (9mill)
Birmingham (8mill)
Cardiff (6mill)
Forest and Huddersfield (5mill)
Brentford (4mill)
Wigan (3mill)
Rotherham and Barnsley (2mill)
Ipswich (1.5mill)
Preston (1.2mill)
Burton (800k)
Blackburn (250k)

The problem is not the amount spent but the players brought in and the huge amount of players that have left.  We have had a squad that has needed huge investment every Summer since we were relegated. Only this season does it look as if we have actually a stronger squad. That is despite a marshmallow defence and no real forward. So still work to do. While we may have had the backing of the owner we haven't had right people in charge at the right time. So we tend to blame the owner when we don't bring in a much needed player or two. When the real problem lies with those trying to do the business.

As for bringing in players should we go up. I think a 35 year old centre half on loan. A striker from Costa Fortune who doesn't speak English and has a dodgy knee. But scored a goal once. Plus a keeper who is injured everytime he dives for the ball. Hopefully left to the last second of the Summer Window. " I was expecting more" says the manager.

[westcliff white]

Your right Danny its a bit of fun, I will have a go with the below based on us being promoted as you say

Begovic - 5 million- Currently a backup keeper for a London club so might be keen on being a number one without having to disrupt the family.

Kalas - 6 million- if we go up I think its a no brainer for both parties as he wont play for Chelsea

Maguire - 6 million - If Hull go down, would be a solid addition.

Callum Chambers - loan- just to add more quality at the back, plays for a footballing parent club in Arsenal

Will Hughes - 10 million - always had qilaity and could certianly add to our mdfield

Remy - 6 million - is a pure dtriker something every team needs in my opinion (if possible at 6 million oculd be a snip)

Ulloa - 7 million - good hold up player and knows where the goals is too

40 million or so on 7, not likely to get any of these but hey ho just some fun

[ScalleysDad]

Good players there Danny.  I'll add one to the list.  Tom Ince.  Wants to play at the top level and seems pretty handy to me.  Current club might not like our approach, but he could agitate for a move.  Might mess up their pre-season, but I'm sure their manager would understand.

Maybe Joka should start referring to him as Tommy as sarcasm for Chrissy.

Ince is a good player but he's always appeared to be a bit of a knob to me. Bit up himself with an attitude but I don't know him from Adam, it's just the perception I've always had of him.

You should be on the fantasy interview panel DB.
Ex pros and an international
"Well he has too good feet, he can head it as far as I could kick it and his corners are to die for. A great engine and he can inspire the back four. A true leader. That goal against Germany was a classic never give up the ball screamer and I just love the way he can wind up the opposition forwards in four languages. Only 22 and prime captain material."

DB. "Nah. Bit of a knob!"

I'm working on my new team later.

[dannyboi-ffc]

Good players there Danny.  I'll add one to the list.  Tom Ince.  Wants to play at the top level and seems pretty handy to me.  Current club might not like our approach, but he could agitate for a move.  Might mess up their pre-season, but I'm sure their manager would understand.

Maybe Joka should start referring to him as Tommy as sarcasm for Chrissy.

Ince is a good player but he's always appeared to be a bit of a knob to me. Bit up himself with an attitude but I don't know him from Adam, it's just the perception I've always had of him.

You should be on the fantasy interview panel DB.
Ex pros and an international
"Well he has too good feet, he can head it as far as I could kick it and his corners are to die for. A great engine and he can inspire the back four. A true leader. That goal against Germany was a classic never give up the ball screamer and I just love the way he can wind up the opposition forwards in four languages. Only 22 and prime captain material."

DB. "Nah. Bit of a knob!"

I'm working on my new team later.

Heard he can take penalties so he doesn't fit into our philosophy I'm afraid.

[dannyboi-ffc]

Right I've got my stats team in place. I like to keep my management team short and sweet so My old man Dave is my stats thingy me jig operator.

Here's a snippet from our last meeting.

Dave: I've found a striker and uploaded a database on everything from his work rate in the first 10mins of a match to to his aerial winning ratio and every other possible stat known to man so that we can be 100% sure he's the right fit for our club.
Me: Is he any good?
Dave: Yes
Me: Sign him up then and stop fcuking about Dave. It's bad enough it's taken over a year to find a replacement for Dembele and Ross already.
Dave: Should we opt for the loan?
Me: No bid 15million, if we want him let's show we mean business.
Khan: A loan sounds very very good Dave.
Dave: Just put in a loan bid for him and it was accepted.
Khan: I like Dave

[toshes mate]

I hate these daft fun threads - where is all the passion, the desire to win at any cost, the disagreements and arguments, the bickering, the tempers teetering on the brink of you know where? 

For starters the OP says we won 10-0 at Wembley but fails to mention that SJ finally cracked the conundrum of winning penalties and scoring from them.  Martin, his first appearance since recovering from a full frontal lobotomy in April, Johansen, and Cairney each had hat tricks with Sessegnon scoring from the other when he hit the ball so hard the goalie and ball ended in the net.  And the OP also fails to mention that Button saved all five of the oppositions (more about them later) first half penalties, got a thigh strain, was subbed by Betts at HT, who then saved all twelve, yes, twelve, penalties given away in a crazy last ten minutes.  By then Fulham were down to nine players after an altercation when ref Clattenberg (a brown bag guest appearance following an FA love-in) demanded SJ show more sportsmanship by allowing Derby to play with twelve outfield players.  Shone Aluko was awarded MOM for his delightful three kilometre dribble when he beat all thirty of Derby's squad before being wrestled to the ground in the box by Keogh.  Clattenberg didn't see the incident and needed treatment to remove a Derby supporter from his eye.   In awe of this performance Khan senior relocates to the UK and sends his son back to deal with inferior matters in Jacksonville.   Khan makes a successful challenge in the high courts against FFP which leads to a complete reform of football in the UK and the transfer window is finally abolished on 2nd September 2017.  Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Man Utd, Man City and Tottenham are all bankrupted and relegated to the Scottish Highland league.  Others receive point deductions.  Fulham are given a special grant to make CC even larger and better.

Here endeth my lesson in fantasy football and fun threads.  Long may they be moderated out of existence.....

[dannyboi-ffc]

I hate these daft fun threads - where is all the passion, the desire to win at any cost, the disagreements and arguments, the bickering, the tempers teetering on the brink of you know where? 

For starters the OP says we won 10-0 at Wembley but fails to mention that SJ finally cracked the conundrum of winning penalties and scoring from them.  Martin, his first appearance since recovering from a full frontal lobotomy in April, Johansen, and Cairney each had hat tricks with Sessegnon scoring from the other when he hit the ball so hard the goalie and ball ended in the net.  And the OP also fails to mention that Button saved all five of the oppositions (more about them later) first half penalties, got a thigh strain, was subbed by Betts at HT, who then saved all twelve, yes, twelve, penalties given away in a crazy last ten minutes.  By then Fulham were down to nine players after an altercation when ref Clattenberg (a brown bag guest appearance following an FA love-in) demanded SJ show more sportsmanship by allowing Derby to play with twelve outfield players.  Shone Aluko was awarded MOM for his delightful three kilometre dribble when he beat all thirty of Derby's squad before being wrestled to the ground in the box by Keogh.  Clattenberg didn't see the incident and needed treatment to remove a Derby supporter from his eye.   In awe of this performance Khan senior relocates to the UK and sends his son back to deal with inferior matters in Jacksonville.   Khan makes a successful challenge in the high courts against FFP which leads to a complete reform of football in the UK and the transfer window is finally abolished on 2nd September 2017.  Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Man Utd, Man City and Tottenham are all bankrupted and relegated to the Scottish Highland league.  Others receive point deductions.  Fulham are given a special grant to make CC even larger and better.

Here endeth my lesson in fantasy football and fun threads.  Long may they be moderated out of existence.....

You lost me when you called me op. If you cant be bothered to call me Danny like everyone else then don't bother posting.

Cue the outrage at my response. Some people can be so sensitive......

[dannyboi-ffc]

............on a serious note. Did you really make all that up? What about when Robert Wilson jumps out of the crowd  and starts kicking Martin as he takes a throw in.

"Karma" he shouts
"But Robbo, he's playing for Fulham today, not Derby"
"Who said anything about Derby? Its Chris Martin......"

[toshes mate]

It was on a Chinese fortune cracker I was given in a restaurant in Sutton last night. At least I think that is where I was .....