NFR Terrorism alerts around the world.

[YankeeJim]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved".  Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross".  The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance".  The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.



The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards".  They don't have any other levels.  This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.



The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide" The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender".  The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.


Italy has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing" Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs".  They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on everyone "just in case".


New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA".  Due to continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate".  Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend" and "The Barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.


Canada doesn't have any alert levels, we have our friends to the south, so we don't worry. 

[jarv]

 :011: :011: :011: :011: :011: :011:
excellent.
particularly liked the Scots and Aussies.

[finnster01]

 :clap_hands: :clap_hands:

[duffbeer]

thanks for a good laugh   :011:

[GoldCoastWhite]

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate".  Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend" and "The Barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Point of order, that should read "she'll be right mate" but otherwise a good chuckle !

[sipwell]

Excellent read. The Belgians = spot on! We do have nuclear warheads you know. Wikileaks said so!

[VB]

And in Ireland it was said to be heard. 'You call that bombing! We used to work 48hours a day! licking asphalt of  tarmac,
have a famished potato for lunch, and still make it home for 3 hailmarys and a drop of the black stuff,
tell that to the suicide bombers of today and wont believe you' :010:



alert downgraded due to shoddy workmanship

to be sure,

[YankeeJim]

Excellent read. The Belgians = spot on! We do have nuclear warheads you know. Wikileaks said so!

If you have nukes, look out. The Marines are coming. :wum:

[sipwell]

Excellent read. The Belgians = spot on! We do have nuclear warheads you know. Wikileaks said so!

If you have nukes, look out. The Marines are coming. :wum:

It are YOUR nukes damnit! We looked after them long enough  :008:

[clintclintdeuce]

The Canadians are spot on as well lol good post

[CorkedHat]

That was really funny. I particularly like the Spanish one and Colin is right - we say "She'll be right mate". We don't believe in using long words like alright!  :down_under:

[YankeeJim]

To address some of my fellow Whites:

It's best to keep your nukes somewhere else...in case they go off.

As to those picky Aussies, I'll chastise my 82 year old aunt who sent that to me & set her ALL right!

Cheers to all.

[finnster01]

Lets add some more:

Norway: Has also raised its alert from "it's too cold outside" to "We are still sleeping" which is their highest level.

Poland: The terror level remains at "Great for business, you need pipes and plumbers to make a pipebomb"

Wales: The Welsh have raised the level from "No more singing hymns" to "hide the sheep". This is the second highest level, only one step below "don't leave home without them"

Holland: The level remains at "Please wear clogs at all times" which is one level below "We'll send Nigel De Jong after you"

Qatar: Increased from "Please fill up brown bags with unmarked dollar bills and send them to Sepp Blatter" to "Welcome home in 2022 Al Quaida! "

[YankeeJim]

Well put Finney.

How about Mexico? from "we're out of tortias" to "after the siesta" and top spot "stay home, it's the gringos that their after"

[Nick the Swede]

Since you are yet to make fun of Sweden I'll help.

Sweden has gone into "wow, did that really happen?" (a most confusing state). This is not a very high level with Swedish standards, the Swedes can still increase a few more levels. Such as "nah, don't bother, we're neutral" (in a very fatherly tone), "let's close down our military defence completely, Sweden is too hard to take anyway" (said with a very ignorant voice) and the highest level; "Oh darn, we'll have to turn Vikings on the world again" (where's me mead?)