NFR British Humor

[Azeedo]

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor

I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

A Muslim has died whilst training to be a skydiver. The British National Party's School of Diving said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50 a minute (charges may vary).

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

Hope you had a chuckle
064.gif

[stevehawkinslidingtackle]

Having already been the victim of tame posts being removed. I wont give this long. I think the Bradford one could seal it. I love Senderos

[e4b]

excellent really enjoyed these jokes glad i got up before the mods

[Airfix]

Point of order! "Humour"

[Rupert]

Point of order! "Humour"

Yep, I clicked on here thinking it was a Yank asking about our humour.
The Taser one made me laugh, which probably says things about my psychology, but never mind.

[epsomraver]

They are funny, if offended scroll by, mind you some on here find offence in Peabodys jokes so ...........

[ron]

 064.gif Great Stuff !

[LBNo11]

excellent really enjoyed these jokes glad i got up before the mods

...we mods do have a sense of humour, we are the same as everyone else, things will be removed if they are against the rules or if we receive complaints about the content of a post/reply.  If one line/paragraph is the subject of a complaint we will remove that part and keep the rest.

So far no complaints (even ones we can take seriously), and I laughed at most of them...

[Logicalman]

Agree with LB here. If someone wants to complain, then that's for them to do so.

I have to admit, these were very funny - unfortunately the 'Unfair World' one is a little too close to the truth - and really, you can last over 2 minutes - should be playing for Fulham!

[manxman]

hahaha ! quality stuff!  :005:

[MisfitKid]

You Brits..., very funny.   :clap_hands:
I am going to try that next Valentine's Day.   :022:

[Blingo]

If standards are going to be set, they should apply across the board.

[Burt]

Long time no see Mr Blingo - how goes it?

[Berserker]

It was the doctor one that made Mr B chuckle. Hiya Blingo.

[Lighthouse]

I guess that as the post contains no reference to jews, a certain young lady won't be offended. If standards are going to be set, they should apply across the board.

We all find some things offensive. I find Mother's day deeply offensive on so many levels. FOF have Mods who seem to be saying they will only act on posts if some other poster complains. Frustrating I know. But oh the power this leaves idiots like me. Sadly there are a few of us about who imagine offence where none was meant.

[TheDaddy]

I would like to complain in the strongest sense "Laughter"
I haven't cried giggling like that for ages so much so i couldn't repeat the jokes to the misses without wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath !  064.gif

[Berserker]

I'm sad today on Mother's day Lighthouse, First year without one :-(  But on a brighter note just notice the first  frog spawn has appeared in my pond overnight, different place to usual, but safer for them. Suppose life must go on albiet in a frog form

[Lighthouse]

I'm sad today on Mother's day Lighthouse, First year without one :-(  But on a brighter note just notice the first  frog spawn has appeared in my pond overnight, different place to usual, but safer for them. Suppose life must go on albiet in a frog form

Have to say I find frog spawn offensive. :Get Coat gif: But I did notice a few purple crocuses popping out in the garden. Having had my thorn covered garden cleared last Summer am having the time of my life wandering what will survive.

Hope the day goes well. I still find myself chatting to my Mum even though she 'went on ahead' nearly four years ago to check on the accommodation.

[Berserker]

yep i used to see her everyday after work as she was house bound, still think of her daily, but am hoping to befriend another old person as part of the enabling the elderly to stay in  their own home scheme, but i'm waiting for the vetting clearence at moment

[jarv]

excellent, will rehearse some for darts night tonight (so I can remember them).