One Liners To Lift The Next Manager Gloom.

[Steven Ageroad]

The lead actor in the local pantomime Aladdin was sexually abused from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.

An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane with machine guns on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right bo!!ocking - apparently they were Allied Carpets!

BOOM BOOM.

[Dr Know]

What is the favourite food of Good King Wenceslas ?                 Pizza.         He likes it deep pan crisp and even.      Ho Ho Ho

[valdeingruo]

A man walked into a bar, the man behind him walked under it.

[PokerMatt]

A man walked into a bar and asked the barmaid for a double entendre.

So she gave him one.

[Lighthouse]

An old man was given a Lady Of The Night for his birthday. She opened her coat and said 'Here you are I am here to gibe you super sex'

Old man thought for a moment and then replied. " I'll take the soup"

[colinwhite]

  A guy in the pub,whose tied a few on  . "Terrible all these police out at christmastime breathalising motorists  its completely unecessary and  awaste of tax-payers money  ..... I know when Ive had too much to drink.....  because I cant find the car !!"

[Southcoastffc]

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

[f321ffc]

Q: Name three football clubs that contain swear words? A: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and F*****g chelsea

[Dr Know]

I phoned pizza hut and ordered a thin and crusty supreme.       What did they deliver ?   Diana Ross !

[Rhys Lightning 63]

Mike Rigg walks into a bar. He decides to order a pint of Guinness, but the barman says that it's off so he has to choose something else. He then spends 43 minutes deciding what to have, before deciding on a pint of Stella (which although the best option at the time, was still having its barrel changed).

#RIGGOUT

P.S - I defy you to find a better Mike Rigg in a bar analogy on the internet tonight

[Dr Know]

My wife has got food poisoning.           She bit her own tongue !

[alexmur]

where does napoleon keep his army's...... in his sleeveys!

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

[Ged]

Im on a whiskey diet
Ive lost 3 days already
(tommy Cooper)

[Dr Know]

What do you call a judge with no thumbs ?  Justice fingers !

[H4usuallysitting]

Tough game for Chelsea on Saturday.......



Football

[LBNo11]

...Argentina is surprisingly cold. In fact it's bordering on Chile...


:drums:

[tommy]

Q: Name three football clubs that contain swear words? A: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and F*****g chelsea

love it

[sunburywhite]

We will have a new manager inside the next 7 days

[nose]

Whether you heard them or not...

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

A speech should be like a lady's skirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

How easy is it to count in binary? It's as easy as 01 10 11

A Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, 'Five beers, please'

A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle

Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are vice squad agents

Bugs come in through open Windows

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't

[Dr Know]

If a swan has a swansong does its young have a signature tune ?