OK, No football, so let's hear your Christmas Cracker jokes!

[Fulham Tup North]

 :Happy New Year 2:

Two snowmen stood in a field and one says to the other "Can you smell Carrots"??

:merry christmas:

[Woolly Mammoth]

I once bought a rear view mirror for my car, and from then on I never looked back.

[Woolly Mammoth]

I once wanted to cross the English Channel on a plank. But unfortunately I could not find a plank long enough.

[f321ffc]

What's the best Christmas present ever.
A broken drum, you can't beat it. :merry christmas:

[Fulham Tup North]

 :xmas bell:
One of my kids, when they were young, started eating the decorations off of the Christmas tree. Unfortunately they got Tinselitus!!!


064.gif

[cookieg]

If I had 50p for every maths test I failed I'd have £6.30.

:merry christmas:

[f321ffc]

If I had 50p for every maths test I failed I'd have £6.30.

:merry christmas:

064.gif i really  0001.jpeg that one.  064.gif

[nose]

If I had 50p for every maths test I failed I'd have £6.30.

:merry christmas:

064.gif i really  0001.jpeg that one.  064.gif

Never heard it before, honest...brilliant!!!

[MaidenheadMick]

What do you call a Judge with no thumbs? Justice fingers

[MaidenheadMick]

If I had 50p for every maths test I failed I'd have £6.30.

:merry christmas:

Cracked me up

[f321ffc]

If I had 50p for every maths test I failed I'd have £6.30.

:merry christmas:

Cracked me up

surely you mean crackered you up.  :merry christmas:

[Peabody]

I remember the first words from my Mum, when I was born, they where, I've been expecting you.

[ron]

What's the difference between a damaged sixpenny piece and a worn out flag....?

...One's a tattered banner, and the other's a battered tanner.........

...You need to be over about 50 for that one......

[Woolly Mammoth]

When I was born I was so ugly, the midwife smacked my mother.

[SuffolkWhite]

I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas!
It's not her main present, just a stocking filler......

I went to the doctor the other day,
I said 'with all the excirment of Christmas I can't sleep''
he said ' Try lying on the edge of your bed, you'll soon drop off'

Love Tommy cooper

[JHaynes Paperboy]

I was so ugly as a kid, my Mum used to feed me by "Catapult". :merry christmas:

[ron]

When I was a kid, we were so poor, I grew up thinking that knives and forks were jewellery....

[Woolly Mammoth]

My fathers death was caused by women and alcohol. He couldn't get either so he hung himself.

[Woolly Mammoth]

You are trapped in a room with a Cobra Snake, a lion and a Brentford fan, and a gun with two bullets. Who do you shoot first ?
The Brentford fan twice.

[Woolly Mammoth]

A Tom Cat hijacked an Aircraft, stuck a pistol in the pilots ribs, and said, " take me to the Canaries. "