The (hidden) rules of FoF

[sipwell]

Since there is a serious influx of new members – and readers without posting rights – I thought it to be necessary to point these new members to some hidden rules of FoF and to remind the current members of those rules. This task could only fall onto a Belgian (see the third reason for a start) since Belgium is a consensus-seeking, world dominating tribe of bureaucrats who want to have rules for everything, even for the use of rules and the use of the use of rules and for the... you get the point.

So, here some pointers to be learned by heard. An exam will be organized later this semester.

- the Moderators are always right, even if they are absolutely right. The leniency of the moderators is the best proof that Brits and Americans are completely unable to command a dictatorial or totalitarian regime. They have a need to defend their decisions – LBNo11 even pretends to be a prime minister defending his policies in Parliament – and to make those decisions fair and balanced. The size of their stick is so small that they barely use it. In fact, some of the Moderators have lost their stick or do not remember how to use it.

- the Old Guard – those who witnessed the last English World Cup victory as grown-ups – should not be disturbed too often. Use the name of Johnny Haynes moderately. Do not refer to the 1947 victory over Tottenham too regularly. Abstain from discussing anything in the light of "back in the old days...". Their fingers and bones need a rest from time to time, as does their ticker. If you come to FoF and you see that another poster has already invoked Johnny Haynes, it means they had their excitement for the day and you should not use his name again. (Hint: invoking Jimmy Bulllard usually helps to distract attention)

- Belgians who participate in the forum are always correct. You should not contradict them. Belgians equally are all educated and learned men. The famous "Manneken Pis", that tourist trap in Brussels, is actually a very cunning disguise for the Fountain of Wisdom. You can see where they get all the wisdom from but you cannot drink it yourself. That makes that Belgians are also sadistic and sardonic. FC Silver Fox, despite the fact that he believes he lives in the South of France (he actually lives in what is commonly known as "Bruxelles Plage"), is a prime example of that species. Deep down inside everybody is a Belgian but only true Belgians can decide whether someone qualifies for Belgianship or not. Have been excluded indefinitely and can NEVER be mistaken for Belgians: Airfix, TheEqualizer. In the case of these gentlemen, perhaps the opposite of the introductory of this paragraph holds true.

- Never forget that American posters might have guns at home, since they are legally allowed to bear arms. It is perhaps not the best way to settle an argument but it is in any case a way to settle one. Fortunately none of the American posters are vile by nature nor are they easily inclined to reach for their gun. The best way however to avoid a stand-off is to simply let them be and treat them like you would treat your fellow countryman: a slight dose of sarcasm and/or irony in your communication, a friendly yet unemotionally executed tap on the shoulder from time to time and a continuous readiness to drink too high doses of alcohol in what is known as a pub and which commonly has to word "arms" in its name.
Americans should hence be treated with respect rather than disdain (The English lost the war of independence, get over it). The only rightful claim you can make is that they drop the use of the word "soccer". It doesn't mean anything and it doesn't sound right: if you pronounce 'soccer', the immediate image most people have is that of a drag race of high-heeled and long stockings wearing 40+ men.

- You should remind yourself daily that Nordic people experience extreme cold from January till December. Summer in Sweden is defined as a moment in which the temperature rises above freezing point and they can finally do their washing up (the Swedish word for "summer" actually is the same as the word for "shower"). It is therefore adamant that you give them a warm welcome here on this board and repeatedly express your admiration for their resilience and strength. In fact, you simply have to like Nordic people because they exemplify the spirit you want your favourite football club (for those who forgot: Fulham) to have: never giving up despite sometimes dire conditions.

- If you use the word "white" in your username, it means you have decided you will belong to the scholarly web-browsing class of hunter-gatherers. This is a special group of people who can find articles on Fulham in the most remote areas of the internet and who will post it on FoF. Has someone in Quito written an article of 15 lines on Fulham, if you have "white" in your username you will find it. It is a very difficult, time-consuming task but it is extremely rewarding for you will be praised by all the other members of FoF who are too lazy to look up the articles themselves.

Some (initial) information on individual posters:
- Fatfreddycat is actually a "closet vegetarian". Everybody on FoF knows that but everybody keeps silent, because none of us would be able to deal with his despair, his frustration and his anger. As long as he believes he likes sausages, we ALL believe he likes sausages and we play along. Please DO NOT DOUBT his sausage-mania.

- Finnster is in reality a very well known variety artist in Broadway, starring a spin-off show of Waldorf and Stadler. To practice his dark arts he comes on this board and pretends to be a grumpy, easily inflammable and small print abhorring old and bitter man, whereas in real life he is a young and handsome actor and an absolute women magnet. You should play along, to enliven the drama and help create something special.

- Lighthouse is in fact paid to make the Fulham tribe combative and willing to take on any challenge. His posts are sometimes defeatist in tone, in order to ensure that the Fulham fans remain critical, upbeat and do not comfort themselves too much in the "fait accompli". He should hence never be attacked for his sometimes negative tone. Instead, he should be praised for keeping the combative flame awake.


There is more to be said about other individual posters but you'll have to look at fellow Belgians to actually write a segment about them.



PS. No people have a right to be offended by anything I have written above.

[The Equalizer]

Bloody hell, I never thought I'd see the day. Something amusing written by the Belgian!

098.gif

[finnster01]

 :clap_hands: Great post! That made me chuckle in a big way. 082.gif

I wish you were right and I was young and a woman magnet though, but at least I am not as grumpy as you think I am.  098.gif

[Airfix]

...Have been excluded indefinitely and can NEVER be mistaken for Belgians: Airfix...

PS. No people have a right to be offended by anything I have written above.

Offended?  I'm positively pleased!!  After all, my country was never "Platted"...

:airfix:

[Fernhurst]

Amusing EQ?????

I thought it was bloody hilarious.

[Airfix]

Amusing EQ?????

I thought it was bloody hilarious.

Yeah, but we try not to tell him.  His head is considerably over-sized as it is with hair all down his back (none on his head, just all down his back...)

[Rambling_Syd_Rumpo]

isn't this turning into a private clique?

[finnster01]

Mr Rambler,
Have you been a naughty boy and forgot to practice the funny handshakes?  :047:

[Rambling_Syd_Rumpo]

Mr Rambler,
Have you been a naughty boy and forgot to practice the funny handshakes?  :047:

to be honest Mr Fin,it feels like it sometimes on here :012:

[AlFayedsChequebook]

Nice work, but why did you have to lie about the Belgian bit?  :wum:

[OldBrownShoe]

Brilliant stuff Sipwell. :011: Could have almost have  been taken from one of the Channel 9 sketches from The Fast Show.

[LBNo11]

isn't this turning into a private clique?

...RSR, there are a few of us who know each other, it is inevitable, that does not make it a clicque though - anyone who recognises us or wants to meet up should know they are always welcome, make yourselves known, we love Fulham and want everyone, no matter how regularly they can or cannot make it to games, to feel part of the family.

We all meet in different pubs, but when someone doesn't know fellow fans/FoFfers we will always go out of our way to all meet up and introduce ourselves and make you welcome.

If you do not want to be part of any clicque and prefer to keep out of them there is no disrespect in that, but inevitably by joining a message board about Fulham you are part of a clicque also...



Thought to myself - how many constitutes a clicque?

[Nick the Swede]

Amusing EQ?????

I thought it was bloody hilarious.

Yeah, but we try not to tell him.  His head is considerably over-sized as it is with hair all down his back (none on his head, just all down his back...)

A big headed 'Mullet'! I thought that look was reserved for Easter European Ice Hockey players!

Mr. Sipwell, highly entertaining indeed albeit the fact about summer and showers is wrong. We actually don't have a word for showers, we're vikings after all - who needs to smell nice when we can just take what we want and need...

[Lighthouse]

Very good as usual -  FOF a psychiatrists wet dream.


Wait a minute - surely the term 'realistic' as opposed to 'defeatist' should have been used in the last paragraph.  :dft012:

[Senior Supporter]

 :clap_hands:  :clap_hands:  :clap_hands:  :Haynes The Maestro:  :Haynes The Maestro: :Haynes The Maestro:

[epsomraver]

Very good as usual -  FOF a psychiatrists wet dream.


Wait a minute - surely the term 'realistic' as opposed to 'defeatist' should have been used in the last paragraph.  :dft012:

I thought realistic was your moniker from the OFFAL?

[The Equalizer]

isn't this turning into a private clique?

...RSR, there are a few of us who know each other, it is inevitable, that does not make it a clicque though - anyone who recognises us or wants to meet up should know they are always welcome, make yourselves known, we love Fulham and want everyone, no matter how regularly they can or cannot make it to games, to feel part of the family.

We all meet in different pubs, but when someone doesn't know fellow fans/FoFfers we will always go out of our way to all meet up and introduce ourselves and make you welcome.

If you do not want to be part of any clicque and prefer to keep out of them there is no disrespect in that, but inevitably by joining a message board about Fulham you are part of a clicque also...



Thought to myself - how many constitutes a clicque?

Wot he said. I've known a load of the guys on here for a couple of years, and others for many years. Doesn't mean that I like them though.  :dft012:

Seriously though, I'm always up for meeting people and having a beer with them before matches, that's what is so great about this place. If it wasn't for the forums I'd probably know nobody at Fulham games, as it goes, I know hundreds of people now and many of them I will gladly call close friends.

RSR - please come down for a beer before the NSI Runavik game, it'll be a good laugh and you can meet some of the less interesting people on here, like Airfix.

[Lighthouse]

Very good as usual -  FOF a psychiatrists wet dream.


Wait a minute - surely the term 'realistic' as opposed to 'defeatist' should have been used in the last paragraph.  :dft012:

I thought realistic was your moniker from the OFFAL?

I did like him while others abused him. So I can see your confusion. Wasn't he ill and had to go into hospital for an operation. Is he still about?

[theo]

Thanks for the heads up, I feel much safer posting on here now.

[epsomraver]

Very good as usual -  FOF a psychiatrists wet dream.


Wait a minute - surely the term 'realistic' as opposed to 'defeatist' should have been used in the last paragraph.  :dft012:

I thought realistic was your moniker from the OFFAL?

I did like him while others abused him. So I can see your confusion. Wasn't he ill and had to go into hospital for an operation. Is he still about?

No idea, never go on OFFAL, perhaps he died of depression?